tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30923118420187215822024-02-19T02:06:53.147-05:00My Daughter, Kelly-AnneMy daughter, Kelly-Anne Drummond was murdered at the age of 24 in October 2004. Since her untimely passing, my life has forever changed. My blog will hopefully be of help to other women who are living in abusive relationships. I also will share delightful stories of Kelly-Anne's life and share with you my path as I move forward.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.comBlogger288125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-84421959428917843782022-05-25T11:25:00.000-04:002022-05-25T11:25:54.423-04:00Spring 2022... Already<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> As I look<i> </i>over the lake across from our digs I see the signs of spring. The trees are blooming and the sound of birds chirping away gives me an inner peace that new life surrounds us. As the years go by I realize that I am more of a summer person than a winter one. I spent this past fall and winter doing physio and getting back in shape. Now I feel amazing and am excited to soon start aqua fit classes at the outdoor community pool. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">However the subject of domestic abuse still and will probably always linger in my mind. <span style="color: #404040; font-size: 1.125rem;">Quebec has adopted ankle monitoring bracelets that an abuser will wear once released from prison. He will be tracked to assure that he does not go near his victim. It's another step to help protect women and children who have lived this nightmare of abuse.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #404040; font-size: 1.125rem;">We still need to be doing more. I feel we need to educate women of all ages about finding love on the internet. Recently, a Canadian women met up with a British man on line. She flies over to be with him and after a few visits he murders her. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #404040; font-size: 1.125rem;">We have a system here in Quebec when we are able to know if someone has a prior criminal record. We have the technology but we do not have the access to connect to different parts of the world to verify the background of someone. So how can we give women the tools to protect themselves when meeting men on line. It's a topic for discussion that I hope to pursue with women's groups.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #404040;"><span style="font-size: 1.125rem;">This summer I look forward in participating with the Concordia University Shuffle. It 's a 7 kilometer walk to raise money for the different groups </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">associated</span><span style="font-size: 1.125rem;"> with Concordia. I will walk on behalf of the Women's Rugby Team raising money for the Kelly-Anne Drummond Scholarship. I'll post more details later.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #404040;"><span style="font-size: 1.125rem;">Meanwhile get out there and enjoy the sun and warmer weather ! </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #404040; font-size: 1.125rem;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #404040; font-size: 1.125rem;"><br /></span></span></p><p><br /></p><p style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 1.125rem; line-height: 1.75rem; margin: 9pt 0px 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></p>Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-69425750835449070452022-05-25T10:40:00.000-04:002022-05-25T21:31:26.072-04:00Kangaroo HouseThere was an interesting article in this past Thursday's Montreal Gazette about a safe house project being put in place here in Montreal. This home would be available to children of families in distress. I am mentioning this as a follow up to the continuing coverage of the Turcotte trial.
Sadly for many, Guy Turcotte was found not guilty of taking the lives of his two children. I did mention in my last entry that there has to be some sort of system available to families and children who are going through stressful times.
There is still not a location but people are working on the plan.Presently the organization is looking for non-profit status from the government. It will take six months before the project is in place with a team of care workers.
If you or anyone you know is going through a separation or divorce where children are involved, sending the children to temporary accommodations from parents who are in crisis is not a bad idea. It is not the solution but if it means that the children are protected while the parents get their own needed help, this house can hopefully protect children from the same fate as the Turcotte children.
The coordinates for The Kangaroo House are 514-524-4141 or visit thekangaroohouse.org
Another resource for parents is the Ligne Parents hotline at 1-800-361-5085
We all have to work together to prevent such sad and tragic events happening.Please pass on this information to anyone who might need it. Also supporting the project is something we can all do by contacting the organization to see what they might need in the way of furniture or financial contributions. Every little bit can help.
As for other parts of the North America and abroad, please contact you offices of social services in your area to see if such programs exist.
I do know that my blog reaches many countries. Thank you to all for taking the time to read My Daughter, Kelly-Anne. Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-27753221048456989162021-07-08T13:24:00.000-04:002021-07-08T13:24:20.180-04:00Summer 2021 <p>Finally we are rounding the corner of this pandemic which paralyzed the world. Thankfully my family and friends were not touched by Covid -19, but so many people were, and for many, family and friends succumbed to death. Tragic. </p><p>Throughout this pandemic we faced here in Quebec too many domestic abuse cases which resulted in many women losing their lives. Each one pained me. Could these deaths have been avoided? I want to believe the answer is yes, but but when one is faced directly with abuse it can be very hard to get out of the situation. These women lived in constant fear. I ask myself are we doing enough o help those who we feel are in abusive situations. The Quebec government during this past winter ran television ads about domestic abuse with the resources available on the screen. How many women were reached through those ads? I hope many. I have said this before and will say it again, we must reach out to those we know who give us the indication that things are just not right on the home front. </p><p>Six weeks ago I experience first hand with a two night, three day stay in one of our amazing Montreal hospitals the dedication of those doctors and nurses who spent many months working as front line staff helping those with Covid. For me it was my long awaited hip replacement surgery...part one.... that brought me to the hospital. These doctors and nurses worked tireless taking care of me and everyone else on our floor. The operating room was filled with the best of the best...and I knew Kelly-Anne was nearby watching over me. I felt her presence, an inner peace as I lay on the operating table. Kelly-Anne's death showed me that I am strong, that I have courage and can face whatever challenge is handed to me. So now I await to repeat this hospital adventure for my second hip.</p><p>I look forward as many do to resume our normal lives. Seeing family and friends, going out for meals is something Jules and I are itching for. We will have our second vaccine this Saturday and hopefully celebrate with an ice cap at Tim Horton's afterwards. It 's the little things that make us happy!</p><p>Have a great summer!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> </p>Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-9932694302841352672020-09-29T13:57:00.001-04:002020-09-29T13:57:36.356-04:00Where Did The Time Go....Fast forward and here we are September 2020. The last months have been a time of world challenges, health issues and a move.<br />
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I am now proud to say that I am a breast cancer survivor...yes I was faced with breast cancer surgery late last year. I faced my fear of surgery. I really didn't have a choice in the matter. It comes down to a life and death decision. and my decision was to continue to live and be well.<br />
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Having found out that I was cancer free left me feeling naturally relieved, but there was a part of me that felt so sad as I walked out of my doctor 's office. There, in the waiting room, women sat with expressionless faces, not knowing their fate. As we know many women suffer terribly from cancer and many loose their battle, That pains me and I am forever grateful to have survived.<div><br /></div><div>Downsizing to an amazing apartment was challenging especially during a pandemic. Gosh we collect so much unnecessary stuff...it was a great feeling to give away house hold articles that I know will help others. Hubby said it was time for me to retire and do the things that I want to do. At first I wasn't all that keen to stay home but with COVID -19, I really didn't have a choice. However life at home brings me to my next chapter which includes writing a children's book, raising funds for Kelly-Anne's Scholarship Fund at Concordia and continuing to build awareness about domestic abuse and the needed changes to our justice system. So I think I have a lot of my plate. </div><div><br /></div><div>The leaves have changed their color and many are covering the green grass. I find it pretty however there is a dull feeling in my stomach as we approach October and the sixteenth anniversary of loosing Kelly-Anne. The memories of October 3rd, 4th and 5th are still so clear to me...it is actually unnerving. Will they ever fade? I think not. Maybe they should not fade as these horrific days are a clear reminder of what we and unfortunately other families who have gone through the same situation feel.</div><div><br /></div><div>This year the Kelly-Anne Cup will be different. There will be a competition between Concordia and University de Montréal Women's Rugby teams. They will run for the cup. But what will not change is that we will continue to raise funds for Women Aware as we do each year at the game. Women Aware help many women each year who are victims of domestic abuse.</div><div><br /></div><div>Take a minute to read about them: https://www.womenaware.ca/</div><div>If you feel moved to donate, please do so in memory of Kelly-Anne.</div><div><br /></div><div>This past year, again we saw horrific stories of women being murdered and children been used as pawns who were kidnapped then murderer. This has to stop. Let's work together in the name of Kelly-Anne and all women who have been murdered to stop this abuse from happening. There is help. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>
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<br /></div>Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-26582167343983217342019-10-03T12:13:00.001-04:002019-10-03T18:09:10.776-04:00And the Angel Danced and CheeredIt has been a while since I have posted. Mainly because life seemed to have gotten away from me. Busy was just the tip of the iceberg...unexpected surprises both good and bad knocked at my door.<br />
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For two, a wake up call....and the message was clear, time to take a step back and reflect on my crazy busy life. It is time to make some hard decisions about my career, my responsibilities close to home and those elsewhere.<br />
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This past Sunday our angel Kelly-Anne danced and cheered as her Concordia Stingers Rugby team kept the Kelly-Anne Cup at home with an amazing win over McGill. I felt bad for McGill as I knew that they put their heart and soul into that game....for Kelly-Anne.<br />
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In recent months I have been working alongside Concordia University to develop a Scholarship in Kelly-Anne's name to honor a deserving female Rugby player. How wonderful it was to announce the recipient this past Sunday.<br />
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Today, fifteen years ago Kelly-Anne was attacked. Her death, left us in a tailspin of disbelief, unimaginable grief and pain. There are days when I still can't believe she is gone.<br />
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Kelly-Anne's passing has changed and shaped me into a very different women than I was before. The biggest change for me was learning that I am able to face other personal important challenges that are actually very manageable. I have also learned to not fear the unknown, as I really do not have any control and have to place my confidence in God and others that will come in my path. I have already faced the biggest challenge of my life and that obviously was Kelly-Anne's death.<br />
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This past spring I learned as many others did, that here in Canada women are being murdered by their partner one every two and a half days. These stats are terrible. What are we going to do as a society to stop this violence against women? Do we need to invoke the death penalty once again ? Would that make a difference? Questions I do not have the answers for, but as a society we must reflect and talk about this.We must build a continued awareness within our schools, homes and the workplace.<br />
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Kell..I know you are dancing with your new found friend Junie Mitchell, a women that our community loved. May you both share your stories and keep a watch on those you love here on earth.<br />
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Memory Eternal!Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-43960565914550693942019-03-15T12:33:00.002-04:002019-03-15T21:25:31.264-04:00That Question ...AgainI wrote in July 2017, how Paige asked me why Aunt Kell died. I froze...I always said it will be her parents to tell her, not me or anyone else. Fast forward to last week and doesn't Paige ask her mother the same question. She wanted to know if Kelly-Anne had been sick. Kim responded by saying no. With all of Kim's grace and tact she handled the situation better than I could of. She simply said to Paige that she would tell her later on when she felt she would better understand.<br />
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Kim believes in the truth and that will be told to Paige. She will be told about the heinous crime that robbed her from her beloved aunt.</div>
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This story has been told I am sure over and over again to children left behind because of homicides from domestic violence. These children will face life (with a lack of better words )with a richer understanding of respecting others and what it takes to build themselves into being non violent adults.<br />
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Kim does an amazing job as a mom, a school volunteer and in her teachings of first responder and bully awareness programs that she gives.<br />
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I ask myself when will it be the right time for Paige to understand our story. How will she take the story and eventually tell it to others in hopes of creating awareness within her own generation.<br />
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I feel inspired by her now as she approaches her sixth birthday. I have every confidence that Paige will make a difference in the world around her. This week we hung out....we laughed, we danced, and we had serious conversations about life, school, friends and her passion for space.<br />
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My hope and prayers are that her generation will be a kinder, more loving and respectful society. One that does not discriminate against women, religion, sexual orientation and color. These children are our future and I believe it is up to good parenting and education that will guide them. Our social issues are not only North American problems, they are world wide. I pray today for those in New Zealand who have faced death because of their religion.<br />
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We can all do better, we can make a difference, young or old!<br />
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Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-45879931150252947182018-12-19T23:02:00.000-05:002018-12-19T23:02:12.135-05:002018 A Redefining YearIt's December and here we are just short of a week to Christmas. It has been quite a year. For the most part it is been a year of redefining who I am. 2018 was an interesting but different kind of year. The best part was the arrival of Sam and our trip to Cuba. Sam gave us quite a scare when he entered this world, but with the loving support of his family, the doctors and nurses, he is now one amazing little boy.<br />
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Earlier this year I took a course called Boundaries. It is Christian based. This course allowed me to better understand how I could define my own boundaries of what I wanted and my expectations from others. I redefined what was important to me...was it a high stressed job, a full time position with long days or was I going to work on my terms. Was I to reinvent myself at my age? Yes !<br />
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Luckily, I was able to take on a couple different contractual roles which kept me busy, but lying deep in my subconscious there was something aching that I wanted to do...how was it going to happen? I was told when it is the right time, it will happen. I kept asking God and Kelly-Anne to send me a sign...what's going on...I need direction. Finally, the sign came and I knew I was in the right place with the right boss! I stuck to my plan...a part time job in property administration.....four years as volunteer President of a condo syndicate paid off . The sign was obvious...I asked the person interviewing me what year the building was built. She responds with 1979....I sat there and heard a Kelly-Anne chuckle. It was the year that Kelly-Anne was born. I smiled and said to myself...thanks Kell. I felt that sudden peace and knew I had the job.<br />
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This year I was able to establish with Concordia University a scholarship in Kelly-Anne's name. This award will allow women to have the opportunity to study at Concordia while playing Rugby. It's exciting to be a part of this project.<br />
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I was also fortunate to has been invited to the McGill Faculty of Law to address graduating law students. I also continue to work on a project that I hope will lessen the suffering of the families of victims regarding parole hearings for homicide offenders.<br />
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I realized that nearing retirement age doesn't mean that I have to sit home and become a couch potato. It actually means I get to use all the stuff I learnt throughout my career and apply it in other areas where I can continue to make a different or use it to create change in our society.<br />
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I am excited for 2019. It will be a year of change, learning and living. This year it will be about Kelly-Anne and her legacy, my life with our family and friends. I am following in Kelly-Anne's footsteps... doing what she would be doing, smiling, laughing and loving.<br />
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As you share the reason for the season around the dining room table this Christmas, remember those that are less fortunate. Running into McDonald's on a Christmas Eve to pick up a meal to feed a homeless person was something spontaneous that Kelly-Anne would do. An act of your kindness can make a difference.<br />
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Merry Christmas !<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-71462434936322562322018-10-03T12:39:00.000-04:002018-10-03T22:26:10.440-04:00What Would Kelly-Anne Say....What would Kelly-Anne say today if she were here? A poignant question asked by a Commissioner of the parole board to Martin Morin-Cousineau this past September 4th. I did not attend the parole hearing as a protest that I would not allow myself to be apart of his circus. I decided I could put my energy into better use.<br />
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I am told that Cousineau replied by saying that he had hoped Kelly-Anne would say good things. Good things about him? I really can't answer that but what I feel Kelly-Anne would of responded was <i><b>"Marty, I forgive you but that doesn't dismiss what you did to me."</b></i><br />
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Today, 14 years years after her horrific passing, I continue to mourn her death and what could of been....the loving daughter, sister, aunt and friend. Today it is not about her killer, but about Kelly-Anne, the rugby player who would be tackling someone on the rugby field, then realizing that her opponent is lying on the ground, winded. Kell would run to that person and ask <i><b>" Are you ok?"</b></i><br />
It was never about I am stronger or better than you...it was about her sportswomanship and her respect for others.<br />
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I remember this young women who loved life and all it had to offer. How could her life have ended so abruptly, selfishly and senselessly? Unfortunately, domestic violence still exists today in so many homes. <i><b>"</b></i> <b><i>Domestic violence is so loud to those that suffer silently within four walls."</i></b><br />
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October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Do you suspect someone is silently suffering? How about taking that person for a coffee and having a talk? Not easy, but possible.<br />
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Need help, contact Women Aware at https://www.womenaware.ca/<br />
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Kelly-Anne, rest in peace my precious daughter. I love you.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-91339459030051666912018-08-03T19:55:00.001-04:002018-08-03T19:55:30.949-04:00A Wake Up CallThis past month we vacationed at a resort in Varadero, Cuba. Being our first trip and not really knowing what to expect, by all accounts we were humbled. Poverty, low salaries, getting through daily life is not the easiest for the Cuban people. Some days there were no bananas in the dining room for breakfast....so what... we still survived and that is basically how the people live. Many go without and of course we take so much for granted. Farms lined the road way where very thin cows and horses grazed.<br />
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I guess the biggest culture shock was the bus ride from the airport to the hotel. I sat on my seat, speechless as I looked at the homes we passed on our journey. Shocked, depressed, saddened are only a few of the emotions I felt. How is this possible....homes in a state of disrepair, no windows, laundry strung up to dry from house to house, roofs torn off. Signs of poverty so grave that I had never ever witnessed before.<br />
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The people that we met working at the resort were amazing and hard working. We wanted to learn from them a little bit of their lives. We discovered that many workers at the resort were former lawyers and nurses. Many professionals leave their careers to work in resorts because they cannot support their families on salary alone. Many are single moms working between 8-12 hours a day, six days a week. Most work an hour away from the resort and ride the public bus when it shows up to and from work.<br />
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The ocean was bordered by a pristine sandy white beach. Lifeguards would introduce themselves to us. Rugged young Cubans who loved the ocean and their jobs. Watching them swim in the ocean sent a jolt to my heart and of course memories of Kelly-Anne in the ocean brought my eyes to swell with tears. Oh how I wished she was with us...but of course she was.<br />
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I was reminded again that that we have too much of everything. When we run out of bananas we just go back to the store and buy more; all readily available.<br />
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We were told by our welcoming travel agent that we did not have to fear going out on our own. The crime rate is low and the Cuban government does its best to assure that tourists are safe. Interestingly the death penalty is legal in Cuba but no one has been executed since 2003.<br />
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We have alot to learn from the Cuban people....they are happy with what they have. A real wake up call for us here in North America !<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-42345098506049747512018-06-19T11:21:00.000-04:002018-06-20T08:52:02.399-04:00It's Been a WhileThey say as one gets older, time flies by faster. I can remember as child growing up in Rosemount, the excitement and anticipation of the school year ending. Summer vacations included usually a car trip to Maine or travelling to another part of Canada. Summer days and nights seemed endless. Friends, the pool, pick up soft ball games in the park, tennis, biking and hop scotch...we were busy kids. Those days seemed to go on forever.<br />
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Today, I realize that I haven't blogged since late November. I guess my life seems to have been consumed with other activities and new beginnings. However throughout all this Kelly-Anne has been still very present in my life.<br />
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We welcomed in early March Samuel to our family. He came into this world giving us a scare which of course turned all of his family into a tail spin. With prayer, great doctors and the determination of such a tiny life supported by his wonderful parents and sister, Samuel is now thriving. His smiles and laughter brings more love and joy to everyone around him. Gosh we are blessed!<br />
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My contract with the church ended in November. I was happy to be home to prepare for the Christmas festivities. Then, in the new year, my career took on an unexpected turn....I guess life's path is not something we are in charge of. I am now working from home as a Independant Consultant. It's empowering to be my own boss. I have had my career and with everything that I have learnt in the workplace, or as a volunteer or just though life experiences has now brought me to this point in my life.<br />
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I have found an amazing new church....warm, down to earth people with a great rector. I spent time this past winter and spring taking courses at the church. All this to say, I feel so at peace with life.<br />
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I notice a couple of weeks ago, a red Cardinal, came to my patio door. Funny he seemed to be the same fellow that came here last year. I had wondered if Kelly-Anne sent him to bring me a message.<br />
All to say, he did bring a smile to my face when he started to sing!<br />
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This weekend we will remember my mom.She passed 25 years ago. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. She adored Kelly-Anne and Kim and I know she has been re united with Kelly-Anne.<br />
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Next month Jules and I are taking a trip down south. A week of recharging our batteries, no computers, no telephones, no emails...just like the good old days.<br />
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This summer I wish all of you rest,relaxation, and peace.<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-2548967537607767872017-11-28T12:04:00.003-05:002017-11-28T18:11:42.042-05:00A Letter to my DaughterDear Kell,<br />
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Happy Birthday Kell! Some people would say that you would of been 38 years old today. I would phrase it as you are 38 years old. It has been a busy year. Paige is growing leaps and bounds. She is in school now. I tried to convince her earlier this year that Sylvester could use the computer to email his friends. Her response was perfect and of course left me without words " Cats have paws, not fingers.They can't email" Who am I trying to kid? The baby boy who you already know is getting bigger. He is starting to kick up a storm. Paige kisses ever so gently your sister's tummy and tells the baby she loves him. No worries Kell, I will take care of Paige when the baby is born.<br />
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I saw your best friend Rachel yesterday. She introduced me to her little one as Kelly-Anne's mommy. I was so touched! Rachel, like Kim have both assured that their children know who you are. They are keeping your memory and your life alive within their own lives and families. You must be so proud of them.<br />
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The house is decorated for Christmas. I take very little credit for this undertaking. Jules with his aptitude for the arts, has to his perfection and joy done an amazing job as always.<br />
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Recently, women here in Canada and elsewhere are coming forward and speaking out now about how they have been violated, be it sexual or other by prominent men. It 's about time don't you think that women should be allowed to speak out without feeling that they will face repercussions. I could just imagine you being a journalist and interviewing these women, for many being public figures. You would of been so passionate in supporting them.<br />
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I often think about your career path...the what ifs....especially today, I know you would of accomplished so much....where you would of been living...definitely not Quebec. You would of been taken by your travels to remote countries, different cultures, the need to make change and help those less fortunate.<br />
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Today, I celebrate your life. A little bubbly tonight with dinner. You continue to touch my life and so many others. You continue from afar to be so present in our lives.<br />
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Kim, Joe and Paige with travel soon out west. Paige will wave to you as she flies high in the sky. Wave back please, so she knows you are protecting her.<br />
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I send all my love to you today. Our door is always opened.<br />
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Love,<br />
Mom & Jules xo<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-70225274644791468412017-11-10T18:46:00.000-05:002017-11-20T12:39:36.759-05:00Mom ! It's a Boy !Her voice as I remember, one that will never fade was clear and to the point. It was an early Friday morning in September as I lay awake contemplating my day. The sun was shining and coming through the blinds and drapes. I lay on my left side and suddenly, there speaking directly into my right ear, I heard so clearly.... Mom ! It's a boy! I quickly turned but no one was there. Kelly-Anne had come and left in a flash of a few seconds. It was her. I laid there stunned and said but it is too early to know. Kim is only a few weeks pregnant. Then I thought, well of course she would know. Look who she hangs out with.<br />
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God knows us way before any one else does. Kelly-Anne must of skipped out from Heaven to give me the news. I can just picture her doing so...so typical of Kelly-Anne.<br />
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Fast forward to an ultrasound some weeks later and hearing Kim giggle with joy over the phone after seeing the baby. I asked... so was your sister right? Kim said yes it is a boy! I thought I was going to fall off my chair. I was overwhelmed with joy and amazed that Kelly-Anne was right.<br />
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This afternoon I needed to take a nap after an exhausting morning downtown. I needed to be up at certain time to receive a phone call. As I awoke and lay in bed my left arm was extended out. There she was again as I looked at my hand, Kelly-Anne tapped on my hand. I felt her presence. She knew I had to make a decision while taking the anticipated call. She wanted me to know that she was near by and supporting my decision.<br />
<br />
You can choose to believe my stories. For me, they are real. I have lived this. I believe in God and the work of the Holy Spirit. I believe that Kelly-Anne is with God in his house of many rooms. I believe she is safe and watching over her family and friends.<br />
<br />
Never far is my daughter, always by my side.<br />
<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-7735096702893509292017-10-02T18:54:00.001-04:002017-10-02T19:06:27.224-04:00October MemoriesAs a child, well actually for the better part of half of my life, the autumn season consisted of colorful leaves carpeting the streets, the celebration of Thanksgiving with extended family, mom 's turkey roasting in the oven and my birthday. Gathering with cousins, a warm sweater and a fresh breeze while walking in the park are memories that I will never forget.<br />
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In 1992, that all changed. My dear father at the age of 71 passed away on Thanksgiving weekend after being stricken with cancer six weeks earlier. The cancer took him very quickly and of course our family was not prepared to loose such a wonderful caring man. Thanksgiving was never the same again. I went through the motions, I cooked, went to church and remembered those that were not here with us. I did it for the girls. As the years passed, it became easier. Dad was never forgotten on the anniversary.<br />
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Fast forward to 2004, we buried Kelly-Anne on Thanksgiving Monday. I was numbed for many years after her horrific death. I could not ever allow myself to enjoy the fall season again. I asked myself if I would ever enjoy the autumn leaves, Thanksgiving or my birthday. It wasn't fair to Kelly-Anne that I celebrate. I was suffering from survivor's guilt.<br />
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Today, on the week of the thirteenth anniversary of her passing, I can say that I now enjoy the colorful leaves, the smell of a turkey roasting and giving thanks for another birthday and the years that God entrusted Kelly-Anne to me.<br />
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Just last week, I encouraged Paige to walk with me through the leaves as we listened to the crunching sound. I said to her that I loved walking in the leaves when I was her age. Well truth be told, I once again love walking on the leaves. It is called healing,....acceptance and living my life the way Kelly-Anne would expect me to.<br />
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On this day thirteen years ago, I sat in a hospital negotiating with God, any doctor or nurse that would come into the trauma unit to see Kelly-Anne. I wanted a solution to heal my daughter.<br />
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On October 5th the decision to turn off the life support was made. It was an Anglican ethics nurse who I knew that helped me make the final decision. Her words and motions are still clear today as they were thirteen years ago. She stood along side me next to where Kelly-Anne laid. She motioned with her arms over Kelly-Anne showing that what was there lying in the bed was a shell and that her soul had already gone to heaven. It was then that we said goodbye to my beautiful loving daughter.<br />
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This week I will shed a tear or two. My daughter did not die in vain. This Friday the rugby community will remember Kelly-Anne with the Kelly-Anne Cup. The game starts at 7:00 p.m at Concordia field on Sherbrooke St. West in Montreal. Each year we designate the donation at the door to Women Aware, an amazing organization helping women who are victims of domestic abuse. Please try to join us.<br />
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Memory eternal Kelly-Anne.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-74439515683017009142017-09-12T08:48:00.000-04:002017-09-19T13:53:36.770-04:00Six Reasons WhyI received that dreaded phone call a few weeks ago from an agent at the Parole Board. He told me that the parole hearing is set for September 29th for Kelly-Anne's killer and I could assist if I wanted to or attend through a video - conference. Thirteen years after Kelly-Anne was brutally murdered, her killer is allowed by law a hearing to discuss his possible release for full parole. Can you imagine full parole at 13 years? I still cannot wrap my head around that one.<br />
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Our laws in Canada need to be reviewed, discussed and changed. Even if a murderer has no interest in being paroled, the parole board is obliged by law to grant the inmate a hearing at our tax payer's expense. Even if the reports from the case management team tell us that he isn't ready to face our streets, he still gets a hearing. Go figure.<br />
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I made a decision. After spending a week where I was so physically sick while writing a compelling, and touching letter to the parole board, I have decided not to participate any further in this fiasco.<br />
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Here are my reasons:<br />
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1. I trust in God. <br />
2. I trust in the work of the commissioners of the Parole Board who will make the right decision.<br />
3. I will not allow the killer to think he controls me and my emotions by dragging me through his circus.<br />
4. I have no more time to give this killer, nor does he deserve my time.<br />
5. I have better things to do like keep my daughter's memory alive and build awareness about changes needed within our parole laws and of course, domestic violence.<br />
6. I have a loving family and close friends that support my decisions.<br />
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<br />
A comment :<br />
<br />
Doreen as always I read your postings and I grow closer to Kelly-Anne with each word you write. I admire your strength and tenacity and with this posting the six reasons you have decided to embrace shows me why you are my hero. Much love to you as always.. <br />
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Many thanks Deborah.....I am touched. <br />
Love,<br />
Doreen<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-77422200820563043372017-08-10T09:11:00.000-04:002017-10-02T17:47:59.048-04:00The First Day of SchoolI can remember the first day of school for Kelly-Anne as if it were just yesterday. She was off to higher learning at kindergarten. I find it interesting how not just for myself, that we tend to remember special, meaningful times in our lives, while others events are simply erased from our memory.<br />
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I remember it was a cloudy day. I had shopped for Kelly-Anne and can even see her now clearly sitting on the grass waiting in anticipation for the school bus to arrive. She wore a beige blouse with a Peter Pan collar, a blue plaid kilted skirt, a pair of knee high navy blue socks and a pair of leather <br />
navy shoes with a strap across the foot. She carried a red plaid school bag with a Scottish terrier imprinted on the front of the bag. I remember that I made her a name tag and pinned it to her blouse. I even included the house phone number....no cells in those days! <br />
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She was serious about going to school. I remember an expression of deep though and slight wonder as she awaited the bus. There were a few neighbourhood children also waiting. One in particular, a young boy with his mother. His mom assured me that her son would take care of Kelly-Anne on the bus and that he would get her to the right teacher. <br />
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Once Kelly-Anne boarded the bus, I felt that slight knot in my throat. There I was with the other moms waving goodbye to our kids.<br />
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A few hours later, I waited for the bus to return. There she was smiling ear to ear as she stepped down the stairs from the bus....the beginning of many years of a wonderful school experience.<br />
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Now fast forward thirty - three years later, I get to relive that same experience with Paige. I will be with her on the first day of school. I will walk her to the bus stop and wave to her as she starts a new chapter in her life.<br />
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The circle of life and gosh I am so happy to be apart of it.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-4315810246332242142017-07-20T20:40:00.001-04:002017-08-20T20:03:56.407-04:00Why Grandma ?Last week I had the pleasure of spending time with my Grand daughter. Between crafts, baking, hair and hospital appointments, making popsicles, the park and splash pad we had a great time. Laughter fills that house and Paige has the spirit and smile to make every one's day just a little brighter.<br />
<br />
She is articulate and has quite a vocabulary. She asks alot of questions.We often talk about Aunt Kell. It's a good thing as Paige is slowly getting to know her aunt from afar. Last week I noticed a little red dog which use to belong to Kelly-Anne. She named him Marmaduke and he traveled everywhere with her. Paige loves that little dog and his name. She is now taking care of him. <br />
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Much to my surprise Paige ask me in her own words.... " Grandma, why did Aunt Kell die ? I went numb. I didn't know what to say and just quietly said that she just died then quickly changed the subject. I didn't want to say anything more nor felt is was my place to do so.<br />
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I remember saying in my victim impact statement in court back in 2006 that I did not know how Kim would ever eventually tell her children about what happened to their Aunt Kell and honestly, today, I still do not know how Kim will manage this task. <br />
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It is often said that children observe and retain much more than we realize. Paige is one of those kids. Too advanced for her age. Today's upbringing is different than 30 some years ago. Children learn differently. <br />
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Paige asked me to read from her Children's Bible last week. She is asking questions about God. She wants to hear the different stories and wants to pray. She loves to say Amen at the end of the prayers. It is a truly a beautiful age. I love watching her grow and grasping the beauty of life. <br />
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We all need to see life through a child, the innocence, the perfection...even running through a splash pad in shorts and a t -shirt can be liberating.<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-43287142656976447112017-06-15T11:29:00.000-04:002017-08-20T20:07:40.458-04:00It Really is a Small WorldThis week I reconnected again with Kelly-Anne 's favorite sport which is Competitive Life guarding. That reconnection came as a big surprise as I met a man who I spent the better part of a day with who knew Kelly-Anne and traveled in the same circles as she did. They competed at the same competitions and had the same circle of friends. It was amazing to be with this man and to feel at the same time that Kelly-Anne was present with us.<br />
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There is always a little part of my heart that gets crushed. This man, just like all her other friends, have married and are bringing up young families....and that is really so beautiful. I am so happy for them, especially when I hear that their children are involved in sports.<br />
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My regret is only that I wish Kelly-Anne would of had that same opportunity...to be married, have a career and raise a family. She would of been an amazing mom.<br />
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The quiet of my home today allows me to recharge and relax. The pool awaits me this afternoon. I reflect on Kelly-Anne and her enthusiasm for her love of life, the water, the sun. <br />
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Life continues and each day brings a joy that allows me to mask the pain. New friends, new accomplishments and new beginnings...I continue to learn and be the best I can. <br />
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I have a great role model to follow.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-26087202221727793392017-05-14T10:10:00.002-04:002017-05-14T10:10:39.383-04:00Mother's DayThis morning over my cup of coffee I was thinking that after all this years without Kelly-Anne, my Mother's Day should be easier to look forward to. I realized that really not much has changed at all. It really isn't easier. There is still that void...something is missing from the equation. <br />
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Paige doesn't replace her aunt. She makes life a little easier, a little more special. That infectious smile coupled with her multiple facial expressions can only make me smile. She certainly knows how to ham it up!<br />
<br />
However, I ask my self why do I continue to feel that the black cloud still hovers over me...that I still am different than other moms; that the dining room table still is missing someone around it.<br />
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I reflected this past week about the recent abuse cases and trials in the news. Workplace abuse seems to be the for runner these days...a Conservative Senator steps down from his job because he was having a sexual relationship with a minor. A pastor, at that, one respected and looked up to in the church and community. A married man with a family. Why is this happening....power, control ? It makes me sick and the worst is there is no talk of anyone pressing charges against him. Who else has he abused?<br />
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Almost thirteen years later, I still am looking for positive change in our society, in our personal relationships, in our workplaces, on the street and in our schools. Children continue to be bullied and to be abused in their own homes. Women are still being diminished in the workplace and still afraid to leave their abusive relationships. However, there is one thing we are doing more of now. We are talking about it. Talk is cheap but our actions will make change. <br />
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I reflect on my own mother...her favorite saying was <i>God gave you a brain, use it. </i>Today<i>, </i>I remember my mother who was not afraid get down on the floor and play with Kelly-Anne and Kim. Her home and family was her life. The girls were always excited to see their grandmother. I feel the same about Paige......I am my mother's daughter.<br />
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms far and near and to those who are moms to so many. A mother is more than just a blood line. It is love.<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-38945681571964341562017-04-15T13:02:00.002-04:002017-04-15T13:02:29.984-04:00Easter Past RelivedToday, I started my day early. The family is coming in from out of town. The crock pot is on and the deviled eggs are all prepared. The lamb will soon go into the oven. The Easter menu is typical of how I was raised. This year, the Orthodox celebrate Easter the same Sunday as all other Christians. The Orthodox Easter is always celebrated after Passover. I can remember as a child my mom running to the stores on Easter Monday to buy the good chocolate at half price. That she would say was a plus to being Orthodox and celebrating after the others.<br />
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Today we will have our dinner and continue some of the traditions. I await Paige's arrival as we will color eggs together. It's exciting to relive once again the special moments like the holidays with Paige. It brings me back to Easter egg hunts with Kelly-Anne and Kim. They had big colorful baskets and were quite good at finding the hidden eggs. Kelly-Anne 's smile and her laughter are wonderful memories of Easter past. The bunny cakes we would make ...... floppy ears and all !<br />
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We have hidden Easter eggs for Paige. The tradition continues. <br />
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Easter isn't about the chocolate bunnies and little summer toys. I want Paige to understand what this special time is really all about. Kim and a close friend for many years growing up had a tradition of going to Good Friday service then spending the day together doing an Easter activity.<br />
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Traditions whether with friends or family are special. We can create our own at any time in our lives.<br />
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The Easter message is one of hope; how Jesus died so we may live...His pain on the cross reminds me daily that his suffering was far worse than mine.<br />
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Happy Easter, Happy Passover.<br />
<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-49074129164773028462017-03-15T20:03:00.000-04:002017-03-15T20:03:29.989-04:00Forever ChangedI realized something on Ash Wednesday when I stood before our Bishop as she made the sign of the cross on my forehead boldly with black ashes. She said in my words...that I will return to dust.<br />
Powerful isn't it...my reality as it is for all, we are not getting out of here alive. We will all return to dust one day.<br />
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I have been in my own way been running away from that reality for the past 12 or so years...I guess the fact that Kelly-Anne returned to dust so early in her life was hard to accept. Life is moving forward so quickly these days...the months are flying by as are the years. And the harsh reality is that I am getting older, but somehow my mind and body don't actually feel my age.<br />
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And that is a good thing ! My body and mind tell me to stay active... my job, my family, my friends, my swimming, my socializing...it's all the good stuff. I feel happy, I can smile, I feel accomplished. <br />
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But our lives are not in our hands...God calls us when it is our time...unless as I have always maintained that Kelly-Anne's killer decided to intervene in God's plan for her. A cold blooded act that I know God cried with Kelly-Anne's family and friends.<br />
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My life forever changed in 2004 and my life continues to change today. However, how I view and understand others and see our constantly changing world is without a doubt beautiful and painful. The beauty of new life, the seasons changing, a warm smile from another human and the pain of poverty, violence and hatred make up the world we live in. But the real decision comes from within us as to how we are willing to live our lives.<br />
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I have said so often that Kelly-Anne was the kind of person who loved life and all that it had to offer. Her family, friends, sports, her jobs which all she gave 100 % too. She was accomplished. She lived her life to the fullest....her one life.<br />
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Remember folks, it is only one life....Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-60169539165483147342017-02-20T21:12:00.000-05:002017-02-20T21:12:01.531-05:00SPVM.....Something to Smile AboutThe Montreal Police made me smile last night. I had three different encounters with three different employees from the Service de Police de Montreal. Nothing serious to be concerned about...so I wont elaborate. From the first call in, to the second call made to my house, to the police officer responding, I could not have asked for better service with respect and concern for my situation. This is community policing, their great concern for the community.<br />
<br />
The police officer on the scene took his time to listen to my concerns, gave me sound advise and reflected on the laws. It is rare that I have to call 911 and I do prefer it that way. I have not interacted with many police officers except those that I know personally since Kelly-Anne was murdered. <br />
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Last evening's encounter reminded me of a time after Kelly-Anne passed that I could not look at a police car especially with flashing lights at night. I would panic and refrained from driving alone just to avoid police cars and their lights. Last night I realized that I can do that now. Through the years I have learned how to live my life as a normal human being without the stress that I<br />
suffered in the earlier years. It is about coping, believing in myself and knowing how Kelly-Anne would want me to live my life. It is about learning to live without my daughter and slowly move away from the black cloud that identified me being different from other moms.<br />
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When people ask me how many children I have, my answer is that I have two daughters. My oldest lives in Heaven and my youngest lives out of town. It's the truth...as tragic and unfair as it is. <br />
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Life is changing, I am changing...maybe Paige has something to do with that...maybe she is giving me the opportunity to relive things in my life that I did with the girls when they were young. <br />
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Slowly, I will encounter situations that will allow me to see how I have changed. My life with God's help and a sweet dear angel is helping me change each day. I am stronger, more independent and happier now than I have been in years. <br />
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We never know that we will encounter in our lives...simply know that what ever it is, there is either a lesson to be learned or an experience that will change us forever....<br />
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<br />Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-9765068428870232712017-01-01T21:57:00.001-05:002017-01-01T22:16:31.227-05:00A New Year... A New BeginningWelcome to 2017 ! I asked myself last evening as the clock neared midnight what do I wish for myself, my family and friends. The answer was easy- health, happiness and love. Really is there anything else more important. Love encompasses so much..".love thy neighbour", show compassion to those in need.... take the time to listen to those who need to be heard.<br />
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Love....Kelly-Anne knew how to do all the above...such a great neighbour to many, a listener, and someone who knew how to help those in need. I remember a time when Kelly-Anne helped a lady to seek refuge in her home as her husband was hitting her. Kelly-Anne was there to help this women and only after her death, did that women decide to leave her abusive husband.<br />
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This year we hear in Montreal that the record of homicides is much lower than usual...23 to be exact.<br />
For me that is 23 too many. However, we do not know how many women continue to be victims of domestic abuse...silently within their homes.<br />
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I hope this year brings about change...how we think and view the world. My hope for people in Syria and Turkey and even closer to home is to be kinder to each other.<br />
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Gosh I wish I could spread Kelly-Anne's infectious smile...all I can really do is keep that smile on my face and play it forward...<br />
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A new year...a new beginning...lets make it the best. Our attitude, our smile can brighten someone 's day....as Mom always said it costs nothing to smile.<br />
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Enjoy your year !Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-30897150857082694872016-12-18T20:10:00.002-05:002016-12-18T21:22:31.652-05:00For Unto Us a Child is BornA week from today, most Christians will be gathered with family and friends around the dining room table enjoying the festivities of the season. Turkey, cranberry sauce and much more will adorn the tables. Laughter and gift giving will excite the children as their requests to Santa will be for the most part met. That is the norm for most.<br />
<br />
I am reminded three days a week as I trek through Montreal streets and the underground that there are many that won't be home for Christmas. Is it by choice or fate? I don't have the answer. As I walk through Bonaventure metro station, towards Place Ville Marie, it feels so surreal. I feel I am imposing on those men sleeping one after the other in a single row on the cement benches that line the corridor. I feel like I am in a twilight zone. On the city streets, many are standing with paper cups asking for change. Montreal has a major problem with the homeless. Do we not have enough places where these men can seek warmth, a meal and perhaps a shower?<br />
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Life is tough for many. My husband reminded me today how lucky we are. We are not in want or need of anything. Our life is good and not a day goes by that we don't thank the Lord for our blessings.<br />
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One early morning a couple of weeks ago, I was walking through Central Station. I had just said to myself that my knees and back are sore. As soon as I said that, a lady my age walked right past me with only one leg and a set of crutches. I said to myself thanks for the message...I won't complain anymore about my aches and pains. I recounted that experience later that day when I sat with a priest colleague who made a comment that his back was sore.<br />
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I have probably mentioned this story before about Kelly-Anne and Kim on a Christmas Eve in years past.We were in downtown Montreal going to the church service when Kelly-Anne asked that we stop the car so she and Kim could get out and go to McDonald's to buy a homeless person food before the shop closed. Kelly-Anne was always mindful of those in need. Kim throughout the years would take on a family in need in the community and shop and prepare a basket for them. I am a proud mother.<br />
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The reason for the season isn't about the number of gifts under the tree, the bottles of wine and liquor that will be consumed. Christmas is the celebration of new birth, new life.<br />
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We will gather with our little family and enjoy each other's company. Kelly-Anne as always will have her place at the table. <br />
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From our family to yours, we wish you all a very blessed and Merry Christmas.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-80182186313914179782016-11-19T15:22:00.006-05:002017-04-15T12:32:22.092-04:00You tube video of Kelly-Annehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0e3qwBUIkKelly-Anne's birthday is fast approaching. She would have been 37 years old. It too painful today to of what her life would of been like had she not been savagely murdered.<br />
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Today I feel sentimental and happy to see this video on You Tube. I guess I had forgotten that it was there.<br />
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I just want to share it with you.<br />
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0e3qwBUIkDoreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092311842018721582.post-71818679738494678832016-11-19T14:16:00.001-05:002016-11-19T14:16:43.732-05:00My New AdventureWell the new adventure began this past fall. No sooner did I blog about my morning solitude with a good cup of coffee that I landed a new position...Did I not say I wanted a part time job? That is exactly what I got ! Three days a week in downtown Montreal, in the heart of the city.<br />
<br />
The commuter train and a 20 minute power walk brings me to my office. A pair of Sketchers don my feet even with a skirt or dress. I notice more and more women are picking up this new fashion trend on the train. The runners sure make a difference in my morning and evening trek. I am actually starting to pity the women in their heels trying to keep up with me. <br />
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I am back in Human Resources, a field which I realize now I really excel at. The office is quiet, the people are God loving and each day brings laughter, a smile from someone, a new learning curve and the satisfaction that I am making a difference once again. It's the kind of stress that I love, the business of getting things done.<br />
<br />
Being on the train allows my mind to think and at times over think. One morning we approached Montreal West station which is not to far from Concordia, I started to think about how Kell once made a film at that station. It was for one of her communication classes. I saw students and teachers getting off the train and wondered if Kell would of ever had an opportunity to teach or coach at Concordia. Both would of been amazing. I find myself tearing up and of course the frustration of she not having the opportunities makes me very angry.<br />
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I continue to forge forward in this new position. I know Kelly-Anne is happy that I am there. I know I belong there. <br />
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Oh and about that morning coffee..... a loaded Starbucks app is only a pay button away.Doreenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14061006310470826396noreply@blogger.com0