The Pool

Today was the day that my favorite pool opened for the summer months. I donned by suit, cap and goggles and off I went. I told myself that I was going to swim flawless laps, not be afraid and just do it as Kelly-Anne would expect me to. And yes, I did it ! No panic attacks, no swallowing water and no stopping half way and thinking that I was going to drown. I fascinated that I was training for a competition....what competition I don't know...but that thought allowed me to forge forward and swim. The sun was shining, the water was perfect and there wasn't anyone in my lane stressing me out.

It's going to be a great summer. I need to do this and feel good about myself. Post trauma is something I don't wish on anyone. It's all about learning how to live with situations and adapting to change.

Also....the devil is not going to run my life !

Pars la Machine !

Here is an email which I received from a dear friend of Kelly-Anne. Caroline shared this story with me and I am so grateful that she and Kelly-Anne had this time together. This is how I want Kelly-Anne to be remembered by her friends. She would want us to remember how she lived and not just how she died.


Hi Doreen, I hope this email finds you well.I just wanted to share a song with you that reminds me of a very special day I had with Kelly-Anne. It was special just because of its beautiful simplicity. Kelly-Anne and I were in San Diego body surfing at pacific beach and everything was perfect.The weather was ideal, blue sky, amazing waves, not a single soul around us, just her and I laughing like 2 little girls in the ocean. We must have stayed hours there that day and I can still hear Kelly-Anne saying :"Come on : pars la machine!!!" Which was our way of saying, come on, we need more waves, bring it on! I often think at this day as a perfect day, no worries, no work, no responsibilities just 2 friends and the ocean. This song by Avril Lavigne is now often on air and everytime I hear it, it reminds me of that day. I hope you have a minute to download it on youtube. Here are some of the lyrics, hope you like it!

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
[Chorus]This innocence is brilliantI hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go awayI need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you byI found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry(Avril Lavigne: Innocence)

Krispy Kreme Donuts

I just saw a little article today about the best donut shops around and I had a flashback about something Kelly-Anne said and did back in 2003. It was the year that Krispy Kreme opened a shop at Marché Central. It was all the rage and people were lining up for donuts. Kelly-Anne had mentioned Krispy Kreme to me prior to that as she tasted them while living in San Diego in 2002.

One day Kell and I were window shopping at Fairview Pointe Claire. Kell turned to me and said , "So Mom, do you thing I look like I lost any weight this week?" I looked at her and remarked casually that she looked the same as usual. Then, she proceeded to tell me of her Krispy Kreme adventure with one of her good friends. She tells me that a few days prior to our shopping day, she and her friend went to line up at Krispy Kreme. Kelly-Anne told me that she purchased two dozen donuts and managed to eat 22 of them.

And you are asking me if you look like you lost any weight this week ? Oh that Kell, she always found a way to make me laugh....imagine 22 donuts!

The Tradition Continues On........

Kelly-Anne had a real knack when it came to making crafts. Her family and friends are very fortunate to have decorations in our homes and in particular on our Christmas trees which Kelly-Anne created. I know it is a little early to be talking about Christmas, but since I have been home recovering from my operation, I have done alot of thinking of what projects and activities lie ahead for this year.

Two years ago Kim decided that she would be continuing Kell's tradition of Christmas Ball decorations. I was amazed of the talent that she too demonstrated...her creativity, style, colors ....really awesome. Last year Kim thought that we should make Christmas Balls to donate to Kelly-Anne's Annual fundraiser for Lifesaving Society. We headed up to Ottawa to Michael's and practically bought out the store. We returned home and started our project. Wow, firstly it was a great stress reliever to be sitting at the table and working with the mind and hands to create these ornaments. I can remember in the still of the night sitting with a cup of tea, Maya nearby and working on the ornaments. I did not realize that I too would allow my creativity to work in such an interesting and refreshing way.

Now I plan to seek out the plain glass balls earlier this year. I will be extending the sales of these balls to the community at large...with a portion of the sales going to The Kelly-Anne Drummond Foundation. Just to give you a little insight of the foundation...it was created the day Kelly-Anne died. Because of her love for competitive life guarding, we decide that having a foundation would allow other young Quebec athletes to achieve their goals a little easier. I remember how hard it was in 2004 prior to Kelly-Anne's death to raise money and prepare for her trip to the World Championships in Italy. Now, with assistance of the fund, other athletics will be able to train, travel to competitions and have the necessary equipment to train with.

We will be selling the Christmas Balls again this year at the fundraiser in Dollard des Ormeaux on November 28th 2008. The proceeds of the sales at the event will be at 100% to the foundation.

If anyone would like to purchase the balls during the year, I will take orders. As soon as I have some made, I will post pictures so you will have an idea of how they look. A portion of the sales will go to Kelly-Anne's fund. I know I have been talking about Christmas balls, but they can be made to cater to any event , any theme, any season. They make beautiful gifts and decorations for the home or even a keepsake for a special occasion.....weddings, birthdays.

By creating these balls, I feel that I am continuing Kelly-Anne's tradition and helping her fund all at the same time. Also, it's a therapy that helps to get through the difficult moments and it feels good to know that I am contributing to something Kelly-Anne loved.

You may email me if you would like more information about the balls or would like to make a purchase.

Another Good Resource

Here is a link to Shelternet. I have discovered this website which is available in many languages. All women shelters across Canada are listed along with other information. Please pass it on to others who may be in need of this reference.


http://www.shelternet.ca/splashPage.htm

Mother's Day

I awoke this morning to the sunshine beaming into the bedroom windows. The warmth of the sun made me feel that it would be a good day. I can remember my first Mother's Day after Kelly-Anne died. Without going into detail, all I can say that it was horrible.

After breakfast I decided to take a few hours for myself. Jules wanted to do his house cleaning...yes I have a " homme rose". He is wonderful. I went to the cemetery to be closer to Kelly-Anne. There, I cried my eyes out, talked to her and asked her to hold my left hand as I will have my right handed operated on tomorrow. Many cars and people swarmed the cemetery.... families visiting mothers and grandmothers. I wondered how many were visiting their daughters and sons.......it really is so abnormal to be visiting my daughter's graveside. It's not the way life is suppose to be. I thought about all the other mothers who are in my shoes....the loss of their daughters and sons to senseless murders, to illness, accidents and suicides. I feel for each and very one of them. We all live under this black cloud that follows us every where. The only thing we can do is learn how to live with this hidden handicap. I said to Kelly-Anne that I will try and find purple tulips to bring to her. This week I will venture out bandages and all to look for some.

I went to do some shopping...I called today my last day of independence for a while as I will have Jules at my beck and call for a week and a half....he will drive me around, cook and clean.

I met up with Kim in Pointe Claire village. We browsed around in the shops, bought jewellery
and had coffee. I think going shopping has to be the most favorite outing Kim and I enjoy together. We both love fashion, jewellery, shoes and purses. We had supper with Jules...salmon on the BBQ and creme caramel for dessert. Kim gave me some neat gifts...a pair of cool shoes, makeup and a subscription to a magazine, but the best was the card. The inscription says :

" You're the kind of person this world needs more of -

because you live what you believe in, and reach out to make a difference "

The day has now come to an end. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms reading this post. May the memories we have with our children and grandchildren be cherished forever.

Another Resource

Here is a website from Quebec Justice department which has good information concerning domestic abuse, breaking of leases for women who are living in abusive relationships, and for victims of crime. Well worth looking over.


http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/rec-ress-a.htm#criminal