Forever Changed

I realized something  on Ash Wednesday when I stood before our Bishop as she made the sign of the cross on my forehead boldly with black ashes. She said in my words...that I  will return to dust.
Powerful isn't it...my reality as it is for all, we are not getting out of here alive. We will all return to dust one day.

I have been in my own way been running away from that reality for the past 12 or so years...I  guess the fact that Kelly-Anne returned to dust so early in her life was hard to accept. Life is moving forward so quickly these days...the months are flying by as are the years. And the harsh reality is that I am getting older, but somehow my mind and body don't actually feel my age.

And that is a good thing ! My body and mind tell me to stay active... my job, my family, my friends, my swimming, my socializing...it's all the good stuff. I feel happy, I can smile, I feel accomplished.

But our lives are not in our hands...God calls us  when it is our time...unless as I have always maintained that Kelly-Anne's killer decided to  intervene in  God's plan  for her. A cold blooded act that I know God cried with  Kelly-Anne's family and  friends.

My life forever changed in 2004 and  my life continues to change today. However, how I view and understand others and see our constantly changing  world is without a doubt beautiful and  painful. The beauty of new life, the seasons changing, a warm smile from another human and the pain of poverty, violence and hatred make up the world we live in. But the real decision comes from within us as to how we are willing to live our lives.

I have said so often that Kelly-Anne was the kind of person who loved life and all that it had to offer. Her family, friends, sports, her jobs which  all she gave 100 % too. She was accomplished. She lived her life to the fullest....her one life.

Remember folks, it is only one life....

SPVM.....Something to Smile About

The Montreal Police  made me smile last night. I had three different encounters with three different  employees from the Service de Police de Montreal. Nothing serious to be concerned about...so I wont elaborate. From the first call in, to the second call made to my house, to the police officer responding, I could not have asked  for better service with respect and  concern for my situation. This is community policing, their great concern for the community.

The police officer on the scene took his time to listen to my concerns, gave me sound advise and reflected  on the laws. It is rare that I  have to call 911 and I do prefer it  that way.  I have not interacted with many police officers except those that I know personally since Kelly-Anne  was murdered.

Last evening's encounter reminded me of a  time after Kelly-Anne passed that I could not look at a police car especially with flashing lights at night. I would  panic and refrained from driving alone  just to avoid police cars and their lights. Last night I realized that I can do that now. Through the years I have learned how to live my life as a normal human being without the stress that  I
suffered in the earlier years. It is about coping, believing in myself and knowing how Kelly-Anne would want  me to live my life. It is about learning to live without my daughter and slowly move away  from the black cloud that  identified me being  different from other moms.

When people ask me how many children  I have, my answer is that I have two daughters. My oldest lives in Heaven and my youngest lives out of town.  It's the truth...as tragic and unfair as it is.

Life is changing, I am changing...maybe Paige has something to  do with that...maybe she  is giving me the opportunity to relive things in my life that I did with the girls when they were young.

Slowly, I will encounter situations that will allow me to see how I have changed. My life with God's help and a sweet dear angel is helping me change each day. I am stronger, more independent  and happier now than I have been in years.

We never know that we will encounter in our lives...simply know that what ever it is, there is either a lesson to be learned or an experience that will change us forever....

A New Year... A New Beginning

Welcome to 2017 ! I asked myself last evening as the clock neared midnight what do I wish for myself, my family and friends. The answer was easy-  health, happiness and love. Really is there anything else more important. Love encompasses so much..".love thy neighbour", show compassion to those in need.... take the time to listen to those who need to be heard.

Love....Kelly-Anne  knew how to do all the above...such a great neighbour to many, a listener, and someone who  knew how to help those in need. I remember a time when Kelly-Anne  helped a lady to seek refuge in her home as her husband was  hitting her. Kelly-Anne was there to help this women  and only after her death,  did that women decide to leave her abusive  husband.

This year we hear in Montreal that  the record of homicides is much lower than usual...23 to be exact.
For me that is 23  too many. However, we do not know  how many women continue to  be victims of domestic abuse...silently within their homes.

I hope this year brings about change...how we think and view the world. My hope for people in Syria and Turkey and even closer to home is to be kinder to each other.

Gosh I wish I could spread Kelly-Anne's infectious smile...all I can really do is  keep that smile on my face and play it forward...

A new year...a  new beginning...lets make it the best. Our attitude, our smile can brighten someone 's day....as Mom always said it costs nothing to smile.

Enjoy your year !

For Unto Us a Child is Born

A week from today, most  Christians will be gathered with  family and friends  around the dining room table enjoying the festivities of the season. Turkey, cranberry sauce and much more will adorn the tables. Laughter and gift giving will excite the children as their requests to Santa will  be for the most part  met. That is the norm for most.

I am reminded three days a week as I trek through Montreal streets and the underground that there are many that won't be home for Christmas. Is it by choice or fate? I  don't have the answer. As I  walk through Bonaventure metro station, towards Place Ville Marie, it feels so surreal. I feel I am imposing on those men sleeping one after the other in a single row  on the cement  benches that line the corridor. I feel like I am in a twilight zone. On the city streets, many are  standing with paper cups asking for change. Montreal has a major problem with the homeless. Do  we not have enough places where these men can seek warmth, a meal and perhaps a shower?

Life is tough  for many. My husband reminded me today how lucky we are. We are not in want or need of anything. Our life is good and not a day goes by that we  don't thank the Lord for our blessings.

One early morning a couple of weeks ago, I was  walking through Central Station. I had just said to myself that my knees and back are sore. As soon as I said that, a lady my age walked right  past me with only one leg and a set of crutches. I said to myself thanks for the message...I won't complain anymore about my aches and pains. I recounted that experience later that day  when I sat with a priest colleague who made a comment that his back was sore.

I have  probably  mentioned this story before about  Kelly-Anne and Kim on a  Christmas Eve in years past.We were in  downtown Montreal going to the church service when Kelly-Anne asked that we stop the car so she and Kim could get out and go to McDonald's to  buy a homeless person  food before the  shop closed. Kelly-Anne  was always mindful of those in need. Kim throughout the years would take on a family in need in the community and shop and prepare a basket for them. I am a proud mother.

The reason for the season isn't about the number of  gifts under the tree, the bottles of wine and liquor that will be consumed. Christmas is  the celebration of new birth, new life.

We will gather with our  little family and enjoy each other's company. Kelly-Anne as always will have her  place at the table.

From our family to yours, we wish you all a very blessed and  Merry Christmas.

You tube video of Kelly-Anne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0e3qwBUIkKelly-Anne's birthday is fast approaching.  She would have been 37  years old. It too  painful today to of what her life would of been like had she not been savagely murdered.

Today I feel sentimental and happy to see this video on You Tube. I guess I had  forgotten that  it was there.

I just want to share it with you.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0e3qwBUIk

My New Adventure

Well the new adventure began this past fall. No sooner did I blog about my morning solitude with a good cup of coffee that I landed a new position...Did I not say I wanted a part time job? That is exactly what I  got ! Three days a week in downtown Montreal, in the  heart of the city.

The commuter train and a 20 minute power walk brings me to my office. A pair of Sketchers don my  feet even with a skirt or dress. I notice more and more women are picking up this new fashion trend on the train. The runners sure make a difference in my morning and evening trek. I am actually starting to pity the women in their heels trying to keep up with me. 

I am back in Human Resources, a field which I realize now I really excel at. The office is quiet, the  people are God loving and each day brings laughter, a smile from someone, a new learning curve and the satisfaction that I am making a difference once again. It's the kind of stress that I love, the business of  getting things done.

Being on the train allows my mind to think and at times over think. One morning  we approached Montreal West station which is not to far from Concordia, I started to think about how Kell once made a  film at that  station. It was for one of her communication classes.  I saw students and teachers getting off the train and wondered if  Kell would of ever  had  an opportunity to teach or coach at Concordia. Both would of been amazing. I find myself tearing up  and of course the  frustration of she not having the opportunities makes me very angry.

I continue to forge forward in this new position. I know Kelly-Anne is happy that I am there. I know I belong there.

Oh and about that morning coffee..... a loaded Starbucks app is only a pay button away.

Montreal Barbarian Fundraiser

Kelly-Anne 's memory  continues to be kept alive by her friends  from the Montreal Barbarian Rugby Club. Next Saturday, December 3rd, they will host a fundraiser in remembering  Kelly-Anne  in Pointe-Claire.
This yearly event supports the youth and junior players as they master the game of rugby.
The fun starts at 4:00 p.m. with an all you can eat spaghetti dinner. The donation is $25.00 per person.

There will be a silent auction, raffles and music from our dear Dave Moran who selflessly donates his time and talents every year to this event.

For more details, please visit the

https://www.facebook.com/events/1803718363201472/

Come and toast Kelly-Anne and support  the Barbs.... a club that Kelly-Anne loved and  made amazing friends.