There You'll Be

Yesterday we attended a beautiful wedding of close family friends. The groom danced with his mother to this song below by Faith Hill. Each time I  hear it, I have a  melt down. This song I dedicate to Kelly-Anne  on the eight anniversary of her passing.

"There You'll Be"

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

Thinking Back

The years have past us in a flash since that horrible life altering day in October 2004. We have all changed. We  have all moved  on with our lives. But, for Kelly-Anne with all the ambition, life and love inside of her, her life ended abruptly October 3rd. I remember sitting in the limousine while on the drive to the church for her funeral service and looking out the window in  a numbed gaze. I was thinking about all the cars driving alongside of us...just people  going on with their day. Nothing for them was changing, but I sitting in that limo, realized that everything had changed. I was now different that all these other people. The world around me was evolving, but mine had suddenly stopped.

As the years  progressed, I continued to feel different, that I was someone who stood under a black cloud. I was the one the people pointed to, the mother who lost her daughter to a murder. Was it shame, was it embarrassment, was it my fault, what were all this people reallying thinking I wondered. People would stop me  and say oh I saw you on tv or I  heard  you speak at this place....I knew I had to  speak up. I knew I had to be my daughter's voice. I knew women were still being abused and knew that my heart was still torn in shreds. I had to be strong and forge forward, but that  bloody black cloud was still hovering above.

People would ask me how life is. My answer was and still is the same. It is not worst nor better now. It is  simply different. My life was forever changed and with change comes different persspectives and priorities. My goals have changed. I have been more aggressive in business as my dream of being my own boss has finally come to light. Nobody will ever lay me off again as I am in charge of me. As Kim would say when she was little..."you are not the boss of me". Kelly-Anne, I am sure is turning cartwheels knowing that I am now complete in my career. I am in a happy place and joyfully go to work each day. I think back to Kelly-Anne skipping  down the street on her way to school and not that long ago found myself with those same footsteps on my way to work. I had to laugh at myself, but realized that if I could skip my way work, it was a good sign that my life was turning around.

Correctional Services still call to tell me that Morin-Cousineau is having medical escorted visits.I received a call the other day. He visits the doctor on October 2nd. How interesting I thought, that he gets to go out on the same day as the last day of his freedom. The madame calls from the victim's unit, she gives me the information and I jot it  down for my file. I know longer have any pleasantries to say to her. I am polite and say thank you and wish her a good day. I don't bust my head over this issue of escorted outings anymore. I have too many other things that are more important in my life to concern myself with.

I still dream of Kelly-Anne. She is either giving me advise or just being happy in my dreams. Are these messages from her? Everyday as I awake, I thank God for a new day and ask Kelly-Anne to walk with me. She, my faithful daughter is always beside me. I feel her presence and see her  star shining alone above our home. I know it is her.

Why did my daughter leave this earth, why did she have to go. Sometimes I still want to believe that she is on a trip somewhere...adventuring. I still think that if Kelly-Anne had been alive today, she would have moved on  from her relationship with Marty, met someone who would love her, have a great career and maybe even a baby.This would of all have been behind her. But no, the harsh reality is that her life and  dreams ended on October 3rd 2004.

Swimming Pool Dangers

During the past few weeks in Montreal and the surrounding areas we have heard about young toddlers drowning in backyard pools. Each time I heard that this tragedy has  happened only brings me to feel deeply saddened about the loss of  these very young  children. Actually I feel  heart broken  which  brings me back to my own sudden loss of Kelly-Anne. A loss is a loss no matter the circumstances, but  knowing that these young parents are going through the same as what  Kelly-Anne's family went through leaves me feeling ill. That gut wrenching  pain returns and who better understand the families of these children better that myself or anyone who has walked in my shoes. 

In a matter of a couple of seconds these families lives have now forever changed. The guilt, the blame, the I should of known better,  the I am a  bad parent will torment these parents for a long time to come.

Why did these drownings  happen? Where were the parents at the time of the drowning? Why was the child allow to  enter the pool? Was there a proper security fence around the pool? Did the adult suddenly become distracted? At the end of the day, these children lost their lives in what  was  suppose to be a family fun pool. Those families will never look at the  pool in same way again, and I would not be surprised if they all eventually move out of their homes.

Thinking back to when the girls were young brings me to the days when we had an above ground pool in our back yard. We moved into the house when Kelly-Anne and Kim were 6 and 5 respectfully. Ground rules were set in place. I even remember hiring someone to give the girls swimming lessons in the pool. Their friends would came over to swim and frolic  and so did their parents. Never were the girls or their friends out of view. The pool  was accessible  by a ladder that when not in use was raised. The deck was  not attached to the pool. There was a link fence that enclosed the back yard. All security measures were in place and the rules were followed and respected by all.

Little toddlers move quickly. They have to be supervised at all times and swimming lessons are a must. Even if  the parents are not keen on swimming they must  set aside their own feelings and allow their children  to have lessons. I can remember myself as a young child being  bused from elementary school once a week to an indoor pool where we were  given lessons.I am going back to the early 60s but even then knowing how to swim was important.  The school made  it their responsibility to make swimming a part of the gym program. Swimming lessons should be just as important as leaning to read and write.

Kelly-Anne and Kim  learnt to swim early in life  and I do not have to tell you how accomplished they both were and as Kim is still today in the pool.

Each family who owns a backyard pool and has a young family needs to:

1. establish ground rules for the  children and for visitors
2. ensure that  the children get swimming lessons
3. ensure that there is ALWAYS an adult supervising the pool
4. surround the pool with the proper fencing and a secure lock
5. ensure that the adults supervising are not taken up with distractions
6. ensure tht  if the child is in the house, that they cannot on their own leave by an opened door

Remember, we never leave a toddler alone in a bathtub, so why would be leave one alone near a pool.

Have a safe and fun summer with your families.

Remembering Janet, Kelly-Anne and Anne-Marie

Here is an article that I would like to share with you. Brenda O'Farrell  remembers Janet Kuchinsky, Kelly-Anne and Anne-Marie Edward. It is articles like this that help us to continue to remember those who have lost their lives through selfish, senseless acts acts of crime. We need to remember how  these three beautiful talented women died, but equally too how they lived their lives and what contributions they made to their communities. I had the good fortune to have met Janet a few weeks prior to her death. The Grier Park Memorial is a constant reminder to all that pass through the park that violence of any kind cannot be tolerated in our society.




Somewhere in the files of the Montreal Police major crimes division is a folder with Janet Kuchinsky’s name on it. Her dossier is what is referred to as a cold case.

Kuchinsky was a 42-year-old mother of three who was bludgeoned to death just off a bicycle path at the north end of Sources Blvd. in Pierrefonds on July 10, 1999. No one has ever been charged with her murder.

She had left her home just after 6 p.m. July 10 to go out on one of her frequent walks. According to reports, police suspect she was killed soon after. Her body was found the next day.

There was no evidence of sexual assault, and theft was ruled out as a possible motive for the attack. During the course of the investigation, many tips were followed. But all led to dead-ends. A $20,000 reward was posted for information leading to the arrest of a suspect went unclaimed.

So the question remains unanswered: Who killed Janet Kuchinsky?

I was reminded of this case last week by a colleague. The topic came up in the wake of the news of an attack on a female cyclist in Longueuil. The events in these cases seem so random. There is no apparent reason for why they happened. And that is perhaps why these stories stick in our minds.

A park bench in Grier Park in Pierrefonds bears Kuchinsky’s name. It was installed in October 2005 as a memorial. It is one of three benches that pay tribute to other Pierrefonds women who were victims of a violet death: Anne-Marie Edward, one of the 14 victims of the massacre at École Polytechnique on Dec. 6, 1989; and Kelly-Anne Drummond, a 24-year-old daycare educator who was stabbed in the back during a domestic dispute on Oct. 3, 2004. She died of her injuries two days later in hospital.

When Kuchinsky’s bench was unveiled, the pro-mayor of the Pierrefonds-Roxboro borough, Bert Ward, said the memorials provide a place where people can sit, meditate and pray. The best thing these memorials do, I think, is serve as a reminder.

And as the 13th anniversary of Kuchinsky’s death approaches, we need this reminder. As time marches on, we need occasions to pause. We might never know the answers to certain questions. We might never learn the reason behind what appears to us as the randomness of others. But as long as we remember, we continue to mourn a little and heal a little bit more.

I welcome your comments.

Brenda O’Farrell

Magestic Jasper and Family

It  has been a while since I last blogged. We returned from the west and life resumed to  its busy days with retuning to work, facing the loss of my dear aunt, medical issues to address and taking care of  one of my best friend's two cats as she toured  Switzeralnd. Oh such is life! However, seeing Kim in her new life gave us a respite from our crazy life here in Montreal. Life is so much different out west. Kim has  certainly found her place surrounded by great new friends, a job which she loves, a great boyfriend along with his wonderful family and friends who all welcomed us with open arms.

Shopping was fun, the sites were great and a highlight was a short trip to Jasper Park. The mountains were still snow capped and we were delighted to see the mountain goats poised on the cliffs allowing many tourists an opportunity to  take a few  snap shots. While driving through the mountains, I could only think about Kelly-Anne and realized that she never got to see the  mountains. She would of loved the sights. I am fortuante to have had that  chance to see Jasper and know that  on our next trip out west  we will make the time to see more of our beautiful Rockies.

I noticed as we arrived at Kim's home how  quiet it is. The noise level of  the city is no where to be heard. It is such a drastic difference to where we live. Everywhere one looks there is sure to be a pick up  truck near by. Jules counted 12 in the parking lot at the hotel one evening. Apparently it's the thing to own a pick up even if  one doesn't actually need one for work purposes.

We flew for the first time on Westjet. That was an experience in itself and have to say the staff on both flights were super. It's the only way to fly across Canada! We found it  touching as we were pulling out of the gate in Montreal that at least a dozen Westjet ground crew were standing in a row all waving goodbye to our plane. A simple gesture with a nice touchy good feeling.

There is something to be said about taking a short trip. It's nice to get away and change the routine, but also nice to return home. That being said, the memories of Kelly-Anne and the thoughts of her not being with us on this trip were there. I was having a good time and had to remind myself that I was allowed to enjoy  myself and that she would expect me to do so. Even after almost nine years that is still hard to do sometimes.

Being out west allowed me to see Kim's life and now I can sit back and not be so stressed about she  being so far away. It was the best thing for her to settle in the west and I believe that any young person should go west and pursue their dreams. In my humble opinion, it is really  better than living in Quebec!

The Adventure

Today,  Jules and I  organized our luggage  as we are off this week to visit and Kim and  her new life in the wild west. You would  think we were going away for a month as we pondered for the  longest time as to what we need to take. The bags are basically packed thanks to Jules and his meticulous packing technique. There is even room left for the  bagels. Now who can travel from Montreal without packing those original bagels that Montreal is  so well known for. It was the only thing on Kim's list that she wanted. We are excited. It is a new adventure for us and especially for Jules as he has never flown before. I keep telling him that there was also a first time for everyone on a plane. The headsets  will be with us along with magazines and crossword puzzles. He can watch movies and I will probably watch the Food Network!

We are fortunate to have the opportunity to visit Jasper National Park. Ah, the mountains and all its glory. It will be marvelous.

Today being Mother's Day my thoughts  turn to  my mother and of course to Kelly-Anne. Mom loved to travel and see new things. She also loved to shop no matter where she was visiting. She always felt that there would be something new and different  to purchase  compared to her regular shopping routine here in Montreal. Kell on the other hand loved the adventure of travelling. Shopping was secondary to her. I remember a time when she returned  from  a water polo tournament in Florida. She arrived at the Canada customs agent  in Dorval and was asked what she had purchased. She proudly opened her bag and showed the custom's officer her purchase which was a Tweety bird toy for her cat Trixie. How cute was that, I thought at the time. It was more important to her to think of her cat than of herself or others. I am  a mix of  both. I want to see everything and I want to shop to  look for that  find that is not available here at home.

Today, I feel very blessed and at peace. The sun is shining and I feel even though Kell is not here on this earth or that Kim is so far away that I am still very much  loved by both of them. I am  also thinking of other mothers like myself who have lost a child. And I think of the mom's to be that I have met over the past eight months who are or will become new moms. The anticipation, the excitement, the preparation of welcoming the little one brings a smile to my face each and  everyday.

Stay tune for the continuing stories of  our adventure. I know Kell is happy that  we will be adventuring and I am sure she will be watching over us with a smile on  her face and my mom will probably lead me to  some interesting  shops along the way!

Happy Mother's Day!

Federal Aid for Victim's Families'

Yesterday, Stephen Harper announced the new Federal aide program for the families of victims of homicide and disappearance. It is a start but in my opinion no way near where it should be. The program  will help families for a period of 35 weeks who have lost a child under the age of 18 to either homicide or  a disappearance. The person applying must have an income of  over $6,500.00 per year which would entitle them to  receive $350.00 per week and be assured that their job  awaits them at the end of the period.

Firstly,  the government  has forgotten all those who have been victims of homicide or who have disappeared who are over the age of 18. Also the government has not taken into consideration that 35 week is hardly enough to get over the loss, deal with the police and crown. Nor will any court proceeding be held during this period.

I had proposed to government officials a few years ago that a program under the  compassionate leave program with the E.I. act include families of those murdered or of disappearance. It would have included all  and not just victims under 18 years old. Also, my idea would have give have possibly given  more income to the families based on 55% of their salary for a period of one year providing that they would have been contributing to employment insurance benefits.  Don't forget, here in Quebec our labour standards allow someone to be absent from their job for up to a  year without  pay. They also would of had job protection. I felt that the program through E.I. would of complemented our Quebec program.

What  Harper does not understand  is that  families still have to pay bills, feed and take care of  the rest of the family members and live through the grief, post traumatic stress, court and eventual return to work.

Imagine a family where the father is the only bread winner. His regular  earnings are $80.000. 00 a  year and now faces this terrible trauma in his family's  life. He is unable to go to work and decides to stay home. He is not going to be able to survive on $350.00 a week. This is where  many employers will allow the employee to go on a absence management program. With that, and company insurance benefits accompanied by a doctor's certificate would be far more beneficial to the worker than any government run program.

It is only those families who do not have company benefits  that will  use the government program. For me,  the government is  not giving up alot. It is not everyday thank goodness that  someone under 18 is murdered or disappears.

I feel that Harper  has no choice but to finally step up  to the plate and help victims.He has Pierre- Hugues Boisvenu  as a Senator and I am sure that Pierre- Hugues has educated Harper regarding victim's rights.

All this being said  however, does not influence  how I will vote in the next eventual federal election. Harper still has a long way to go before convincing me of his worth.