Another Awakening

It took the horrors of last week's terrorist attacks in Paris and Beruit for me to come to another step in my healing process. The wise words of a man who lost his wife in the attack at the Batalan hit me so unexpectedly today. His attitude was so spot on....I first  said to myself that this  man is still numb and once the reality of his loss hits, he will feel the hatred and anger. I then said to myself that I have no excuse. I have to separate myself from the hatred and anger I have felt for so long against Kelly-Anne's killer. I can no long entertain these feelings. I cannot allow myself to be a victim of his own hatred and anger.

I choose to to be happy and to live my life to the fullest. The next time he sees me he will know how happy I am. Whether he understands my happiness is not something I really care about. My happiness and my freedom are both important to me...something he will never have.

Last week I receive a phone call from Correctional Services Victim's Services informing me that he was transfered to a maximium security prison because the prison felt he was a security risk. It was only two months ago that he was transfered to a low/medium security prison. My first reaction was how he just can't get his act together and that he must of caused problems. Then I did the happy dance......my dance was my way of saying thanks. My work of keeping him behind bars for as long as possible gets easier.

Tomorrow is soon upon me here in Eastern Standard Time. I look forward to the day and what I will experience. I look foward to living....new things to learn, new people to meet.. even the slightest hello and warm gesture to a stranger in the shopping mall as we hear the sounds of Christmas music will make my day.

Enjoy yours too !

Living the Life of Riley

My Monday morning started off as usual... a load of laundry in the washer, the Keurig turned on for my morning fix and a light breakfast. Of course my coffee always tastes better while checking out the news headlines. Low and behold there he is with a big happy grin on his face...Luka Magnotta.

The Montreal Gazette recounts  letters that  Magnotta had written to friends about  his life in prison. I read it once and that was enough to tell me once again that our tax dollars are making a lot of prison inmates happy campers in their university frat house lifestyle. Access to movies, junk food,"good" prison food, pizza parties and fun times exercising and keeping in shape while many Canadian families struggle to feed, educate, dress their children in non- Versace clothing while trying to keep them active in sporting activities.

To say the least, I am personally insulted....another slap in the face for the victims of homicide and in particular the family of Lin Jun. I understand that the media has the right to choose what they want to present to the  public but sorry, this article is hurtful as many families of victims will  read it and ask why is this being allowed. Our children are dead because of these monsters and they are living the Life of Riley while we pass each day of the rest of our lives missing our  loved ones and trying to cope and be productive citizens.

Not to mention how Magnotta  and Cousineau and many other inmates have easy access to medical doctors. Magnotta recounts that his doctors are great. Cousineau recently was transferred to a prison closer to his doctors while we all wait for doctors appointments which take months.

I only hope and pray that Justin Trudeau will bring change to our Justice system. Prison should not be a frat house nor Club Med. The Canadian prison  system is a mockery and an insult. 

Forging forward...my voice will be heard.

The Little Red Dinosaur

The falling of colorful autumn leaves around our property reminds us that October is soon approaching. A month for most of my life that I enjoyed, now is a deep reminder of the pain and sadness that took over our lives in 2004.

Each year we remember Kelly-Anne, her trip to Italy, the strained relationship with her boyfriend, the hidden torment that was going on inside of her. Throughout the years, our lives have taken on new meaning, there have been new beginnings, new challenges and opportunities, new sorrows and new loves.

My biggest new love is Paige. She has grown into a beautiful, well adjusted, articulate bright child. Each time I boast of her accomplishments to a close friend, he responses to me by asking if I have submitted an application for her to Harvard yet. Of course, my response is yes!

Paige started pre-school today with the same gusto and excitement that Kelly-Anne had on her first day of Kindergarten. She took along her little red dinosaur as Kim tells me that Paige says

"aunt Kell gave me". Kim tells me that Paige knows the dinosaur will keep her safe. 

My emotions have taken the best me...more tears again this morning. Yesterday, I was cleaning the family room. I came across all of  Kelly-Anne's greeting cards that were in a clear unsecured plastic bag. Once I  placed them in a better bag and finished cleaning up the room, I  notice a tiny square piece of paper lying on the sofa. I  picked it up and there was a break down of a cost analyst referring to what it cost to make a greeting card all in Kelly-Anne's hand writing. I honestly do not know how this tiny piece of paper got to the sofa as I did not see it fall from the bag of greeting cards. I was stunned since I had never seen this this note before. I sat on the sofa in disbelief as I read it over and realized that Kelly-Anne had purposely put this paper on the sofa for me to read. The message, only Jules and I would understand, was very clear to me. The message gave me the reassurance and hope that  something  good was soon to happen. 

Kelly-Anne is never far....the good angel protecting her family and friends. As this weekend approaches, I ask all of you to pray in thanksgiving for your life, the lives of others who have left this earth and for peace in our world. May her memory be eternal !

Un Tueur Si Proche

Last  August, Pixcom Productions started the filming of Kelly-Anne's story. We spent a stressful day being interviewed and filmed about who Kelly-Anne was and what our expectations are going  forward regarding her killer's incarceration.

Finally the documentary will be aired on Canal D on Friday, September 18th 2015 at 20:00 hrs and again on Saturday, September 19th at 13:00 hrs. I have mixed emotions about seeing the episode. Many  questions come to mind...who will play the roles of Kelly-Anne and Martin. How will I be perceived. Will my French  be understood? And lastly, how will the attack on Kelly-Anne  be portrayed.

The production company sent me a letter and suggested that those close to Kelly-Anne not watch it alone. I can only  assumed it will be dramatic and emotional. I can handle it. I know I can with a few tears. My husband will be with me along with a good friend.

It is not only I that will be on screen. Kelly-Anne's father, Martin's mother, the defence lawyer and our lead detective will speak. Hopefully the story will impact the community; especially women who are in abusive relationships. If one women is saved, then we have done our job.

The link  is the following.  Excerpts may be on line after the being televised. for those who are not able to get Canal D in  their regions.





http://www.canald.com/emissions/un-tueur-si-proche-1.1195955?tab=episodes&episode=1442620800

A Short Visit

Ever so softly Kelly-Anne stroked my right hand this morning as I lightly slept. She woke me as the sun shone through our bedroom window. As I awoke, I knew she was nearby. Her message was clear, it was time to wake up and face the the new day with optimism and hope.

Another bright summer morning. I feel renewed, strong and ready to meet new people and see new places. A new challenge awaits me.

I know Kelly-Anne has my back.

Orphaned

Two children age  four and three months  have lost their parents. This is tragic, the murder last week of Samantha Higgins is so upsetting, so painful and senseless. Looking at  Samantha's mother's face only brings back the despair and emptiness that I once  felt. She and her family have a long road ahead of them.

 In most murder cases of this nature, the boyfriend is the first  person the police look at. I  question  like many what happened that night. Who was minding the children as they slept ? Did  he leave them alone ?  These children have lost their mother and father. A first degree murder charge will keep  Nicholas Fontainelli in  prison forever, I hope. Those children need the love and support of their extended  family.

There is  so much we do not know at this point, but the story will unfold in court. I just hope that the accused takes responsibility for the crime and pleads guilty. It is wish full thinking on my part, but it is the only way the family can be spared a lengthy trial. Canadian laws protect the accused until proven guilty. Even if he is convicted, Fontainelli will have a month to request an appeal.

As I have said on many an occasion, our laws need to be more like the United States. However with the new crime bill, this accused should  remain behind bars with no eligibility for  parole. These are the people we do not want on our streets ever. It becomes a larger financial burden for Canadians to house these offenders, but I feel it is best that we protect our streets.

Now it is time for the Higgins family to get the support they need to help them understand what lies ahead. I wish them courage and strength.  Rest in peace Samantha.

The Innocent

He was unhappy that he was getting a divorce. He had children and the youngest was only 10 months old. An innocent babe with no one to protect him from a father that couldn't deal  with rejection and God only knows what else.  We learnt of this murder-suicide a few days after another man with financial issues takes down a notary  and a lawyer, both in the prime of their lives. The man returns home and kills his two sons and then ends his own  life. I have said it before and now will repeat myself...if you can't cope with life and do not want to live and face your hardships and feel that ending your life is the only recourse you have...well I ask that you  leave everyone else alone especially your wife and children and just  leave this world however you choose to do so. 

The father kills his innocent baby as revenge so his wife and remaining children can live in pain for the rest of their lives.This irrational blinded thinking is something that I still  have a difficult time to grasp. This is domestic abuse at its worst. 

I can only think that people who commit murder-suicide are so blinded. All they see are four black walls that surround them. They cannot see pass those walls and have a way of hiding their true feelings or intentions. The cover up of being the nice neighbour. It is true we do not know what goes on in other peoples homes. Abuse is so loud to the people who live inside these walls but so silent to those who walk pass and admire the pretty flower beds that line their front doors.

Everyone has a cross to bear. I feel that I have faced the worst. When I listen to others tell me about their problems (and for some strange reason people have a way of opening up to me) I see that their problems do  have solutions. However, for them they have a very difficult time believing that there is a solution. I understand these people. For them this is the biggest challenge that they have ever faced and I won't minimize their pain.To truly understand one's pain one must have to walk in their shoes. And of course we don't wish that on anyone. At lease I don't.