Saturday, November 12, 2011

Another Struggle

Yesterday,the harsh reality of my cousin's medical condition hit me straight in the face. I am emotionally exhausted from crying and thinking of her. She is still alive but her condition worsens.I am angry that again 7 years later I feel the same way today as when Kelly-Anne was fatally attacked. There is no medical solution to stop her disease. I am frustrated that in 2011 with the money invested into research,the training of medical professionals and the multi- million dollars of pharmaceuticals available,there is very little that can be offered to my 39 year old cousin.

She has agreed to an experimental operation to see if this may help her. I fully support her going forward with this operation and I believe that she will get through it. I also believe that Kelly-Anne will help guide her doctor. Ironically or not, my cousin's doctor was Kelly-Anne's doctor. She could not save Kelly-Anne's life, but I know is is going to help my cousin.

My cousin's deep faith in God has brought her to a better place. This is what she had to say to me yesterday in an email.

" After everything you've been through, I know how upsetting and horrific this is to hear and I am so very very sorry. I wish with all my heart that I had something better for you. I hate the fact that you are upset. All I can say is that you must know that I believe with all my heart in God and that I know he will not forsake me. No matter WHAT happens, He will always be holding my hand and He is the all powerful to ensure that I don't suffer.

Please know that God will take care of this: in His own way and according to His will and that I am completely trusting of Him. He has NEVER let me down and He never will.

I've always told you that I know it for a fact that one day we will all be together again, with no more tears, suffering or death. So no matter what happens in this life, it is a test. We must prove our faith in God and Christ and we will be rewarded for doing so with eternal life, peace, and love with one another for always, if we follow the example Christ set out for us.

I assure you that this life is just a passing thing,full of trials and tribulations: but that one day we shall all reap what we sowed. I know it's going to be okay - one way or another.

Please don't be sad. I love you too much to think that you are sad, although it's obviously normal to feel that way, but please know that I am not alone and that I am not scared.

Please don't be scared either. And I promise to give you my surgery date and we'll talk before then.

I love you "

I cannot get over her faith, conviction and trust in the Lord. I am so proud of her and how she is dealing with all of this. I ask each and everyone of you irregardless of your beliefs that you pray for my cousin and her family.

It's hard for me as most of my adult years I have always been faced to find solutions to problems and different issues whether in my personal life or work life. I have convinced myself that there is a solution for everything. It's when medical situations like that of Kelly-Anne and now my cousin's battle do not allow for concrete solutions,I have a hard time dealing with all.

My own faith is now being tested again. I never blamed God for Kelly-Anne's passing and I do not blame Him for my cousin's illness. I do however question what is it that we all have to learn from this present situation? What message will our family and all her friends receive? For me,I am reminded that I have to continue to trust God more and not be afraid.

My baby cousin who I love has now reminded me as God is working through her to convey His message of putting our trust in Him.

And now, I pass the same message to you.

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