Saturday, March 22, 2014

Finding Strength

Facing my own mortality has always been  a difficult subject for  me to handle. My take on life is that I just want to live forever. I want to be a part of everything and every one's life and I really just don't want to miss out on anything. A new home, a kitchen I can  enjoying cooking in for my family and friends, watch Paige grow and become the women  she wants to be and just  spend my years with the man that I love. Am I really asking for much?  However the harsh reality is that one day we will all die. When and how, only God knows. No one is  immortal.

I  am faced  right now with two very important people in my life who are facing  death through the illness they have. One is a very special cousin and another is a recent friend who I have learnt alot from  in the  past few years. A women who I admire and  has  helped me in her own way to better understand  and accept what happened to Kelly-Anne. Her illness, hit me like a bolt of lightening. Totally unexpected. She is strong and her words to me still today bring a sense of  peace. It is all in her attitude. She is living each day to the fullest with the man that she  loves.

My cousin, so much  younger than I  knows she only has  a couple of years left on this earth. She is busy planning her funeral and after a few discussions with her, she seems to have covered  every little detail. As I listened to her speak, I said  to her that  it feels  like you are planning a party. She sounded so at ease, and ready to face  that day. Her  biggest  priority is to protect  the ones that she loves  the most, her immediate family and her boyfriend of the pain and the planning.

I  do not know how I would deal with  this situation if it was  me who  was faced with  knowing that I  was at death's door. But, I do continue to tell myself that we  will all die at some point in time. I am no different than anyone else. My only issue is  that I  will accept my fate differently that my friend or cousin. Just the thought of leaving Jules,Kim and Paige behind is so painful only because  I love  them so very much. Through my friend and cousin, they have both given me a gift of strength and courage to come to terms with my own mortality.

The circle of life continues and  I know that everyday and every moment are so  important.  It really isn't  about the house or the kitchen  or how much money one has. It is really all about family and friends and being surrounded with the  people  that love you and that you love. When the day comes, I  know I will  be reunited with Kelly-Anne and all my other family members who have  gone ahead. Ah another party !

Monday, March 17, 2014

Spring is Around the Corner !

Since the new year began, I  have been consumed with the  prospects of selling  our home and moving to a corner of the world a lttle more quieter. I have  been dreaming of  my herb garden - to-  be, decorating a special room for Paige and a kitchen where I can cook up  a storm.

Back to reality and  I still am also consumed with events that no  longer startle me  but only bring me back to Kelly-Anne and her murder.  I am also consumed with thoughts of  young  girls who are in abusive relations and  are held within  four black walls and cannot get out of their situation. Fear,  lack of understanding of what is happening around them are some of the reasons girls and young women  do not leave their relationships. For families and friends who see the sighs, it is frightening and hard to deal with. How would handle a situation where you found your  daughter, sister or  friend in a situation that could become tragic ?

Winter has been particularly hard this year. I though it was just me, but many are  telling me that  they too are tired and fed up of winter. This winter, I felt like a bear hibernating....I just didn't have the energy to  to much of anything. I do look forward to spring, putting away the boots and donning my Sketchers for a walk along the lake. Spring begins next week and with it brings also the vibrant tulips of the season.

I decided this year I would give up something  for Lent....ice cream. Yes, ice cream has to be my all round favorite food...well dessert, snack, treat,call it what you may. I have never in my life as far as I can remember ever gave  up something for Lent. I felt giving up something I love was the  least I could do to thank God for my life and the life  of  my  family and the new life of Paige.

Paige will be a year soon and  I see many characteristics of Kelly-Anne in her. Her sleep habits, her personality, her looks. It is Kelly-Anne all over again. We have been truly blessed !  

This year will mark the 10 th anniversary of  Kelly-Anne death. Special events will take place. Stay tune for more updates. So much has happened in the past  ten years. I can truly say that Kelly-Anne has been apart of all the events and the many decisions that were made. She had supported me when I  was down and protected me. She has  never left my side.

It  is time to look forward to the longer and warmer days......enjoy spring.