Sunday, March 30, 2008

How are we remembering Kelly-Anne?

I was thinking a few days ago about what personal friends , sporting groups, cities, universities and private companies have done in Kelly-Anne's name and thought I would share that with you. By making this list, it would maybe give ideas to others who have lost a cherished one about how they could find a way to celebrate their loved one's life.

The Kelly-Anne Drummond Foundation with the Lifesaving Society is the only one which I requested as I saw the passion that Kelly-Anne had for the sport and felt that it was important that other Quebec competitive lifeguards reach their goals. Each November 28th ( Kelly-Anne's birthday) the Lifesaving Society hosts a cocktail fundraiser.

1. tree planted in Westwood Park by the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club
2. tree planted at Greendale school, Pierrefonds
3. website: Kelly-Anne Drummond Memorial
4. website : Remembering a Friend
5. Kelly-Anne Drummond Conference Room, Aquatic Centre, Dollard des Ormeaux
6. Kelly-Anne Drummond monument in Grier Park , City of Pierrefonds
7. Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup, Concordia & McGill Rugby teams
8. Kelly-Anne Drummond Trophy, Montreal Barbarian Rugby Team
9. Kelly-Anne Drummond Foundation, Lifesaving Society
10.In Memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond for the West Island Women's Shelter
11. In Memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond on Facebook

Pics at McKibbon's

Keeping Kelly-Anne's name alive !

Yesterday, The Montreal Barbarian Rugby Club and McKibbon's Irish Pub hosted in Kelly-Anne's memory a fundraiser for the West Island Women's Shelter. What a lovely afternoon is, comedians, warm company, a few nibbles and a drink. Kelly-Anne would of just loved it ! I do know that she is beaming down over her friends and old team mates and saying thanks.... thanks for keeping my name alive and helping others.

Over $2, 500.00 was raised for the shelter. I am hoping that this event will become a yearly one. Many thanks to those who donated gifts, time and talents.

I will post a few pictures.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


There is so much to write about when when it comes to telling the story of Kelly-Anne's life. I really do not know where to start, so there will be a few, if not many postings about her.

I guess the best thing to do is start right from the beginning of her life.......November 28th 1979. On a cool November day at 12:01 p.m. Kelly-Anne was born into this world....just in time for lunch! They say that babies can't see when they are first born....I think Kelly-Anne could see. She, with her big blue eyes were looking up at me as I cradled her in my arms. She gave me the impression that that she was ready to take on the world ..... and as I watched her grow up, she certainly did just that.

As a toddler, Kelly-Anne always had a smile on her face. She loved her father and I, her grandparents, her baby sister Kim who was born exactly 11months to the day after Kelly-Anne and her stuffed animals ! Kelly-Anne was the type of baby that when she would wake up in the morning, she would sit in her crib and talk to her stuff animals and to the animals on her wall paper and patiently wait for myself or her father to come into the room to get her for breakfast. She would be so happy to see us. I would say to her "Kelly-Anne which one of your babies do you want to have breakfast with you?" She would grab one of them..usually her plush Sylvester and drag him to the kitchen where she would joyfully try to share her pablum with. What a mess!

Kelly-Anne took her first steps at 11months old. My mom and dad kept her at their home while I was in the hospital giving birth to Kim. Pictures were taken by my mom to prove to me that Kelly-Anne would eat vegetable soup. She had taken a picture of Kelly-Anne sitting in her high chair with my father spoon feeding her the soup. She would never eat vegetable soup with me!

Kelly-Anne loved Kimmy so much...she was the big sister always looking out for Kim. If the other kids wanted to bully Kim, Kelly-Anne always stepped in to protect her.

Birthday parties when Kelly-Anne and Kim were little was always a big deal. Some years the parties were at home, other years at McDonalds or at Chi Chi's. We would always have the parties together some where between both of the girls birthdays.

I can remember Kelly-Anne 's first day at school- kindergarten. She wore a beige blouse with a Peter Pan collar, with a blue kilt skirt and navy blue knee socks and navy shoes. Her hair was short and very curly. She carried a school bag with a Scottish terrier on it. I will never forget that day. I was putting her on the school bus for the very first time. I remember pinning a name tag on her with her name and telephone number, just in case she somehow got lost. I remember the lump in my throat, trying to keep back the tears. That day was like her first day of independence, she was on her own. Kelly-Anne was so proud to get on that bus and go off to school.

Kelly-Anne loved school. She was like a sponge, she loved learning new things, always curious and asking questions. Her grade one teacher summed it up at a parent-teacher night. She said that whatever Kelly-Anne touches, she will do well. Her teacher was that is how Kelly-Anne was throughout her life.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Knowing the Danger Signs

Knowing the danger signs
by Patricia Enborg October 10, 2006
When Doreen Haddad-Drummond’s eldest daughter, Kelly-Anne, was murdered October 5, 2004, the Montreal mother was not only devastated – she felt guilty.
She wondered what she could have done to prevent Kelly-Anne, 24, from being killed by her live-in boyfriend.
Kelly-Anne had been a gifted athlete in university, entering lifesaving competitions even after she had graduated. She was working at a daycare centre before she died.
The family knew him as Marty.
Doreen thought Martin Morin-Cousineau was polite and nice, but he seemed to change jobs frequently.
For Doreen, the first sign of trouble occurred in December of 2002, but she didn’t recognize its significance. Kelly-Anne had asked her mother to call Marty. Doreen was to tell him where to pick Kelly-Anne up. The two would then go to an office party.
Marty became angry that Kelly-Anne didn’t call him directly. The couple fought over the phone. He refused to go to the party. Then later, he showed up.
Kelly-Anne told her mother she blamed herself. She should have been more considerate. Doreen remembers saying, “Well no. I mean he’s got his nerve to even treat you like that.” But Doreen now sees that her daughter was being manipulated.
A year later, Kelly-Anne wanted to watch the Grey Cup football game with friends. Marty didn’t want to join them. According to Doreen, he became very upset, and made threats against her friends. That led to another fight.
Concerned about the threats, Doreen urged her daughter to go to the police and ask if Marty had any past history of violence. Kelly-Anne did so, and was told he had driving citations.
hard lessons
The last time Doreen spoke to Kelly-Anne was the night before her daughter was killed. They discussed Kelly-Anne’s recent trip to Italy – a trip Marty did not want her to take.
Doreen asked how he was. Kelly-Anne said she needed to be more respectful of Marty. Doreen was shocked, “I wanted to say, ‘Like hell you need to be more respectful. You were brought up to know how to respect people and you don’t need to learn that now.’”
The next day, Kelly-Anne was murdered.
Martin Morin-Cousineau stabbed her in the neck with a steak knife. The blow left Kelly-Anne a quadriplegic. She was on life support. The next day, her family made the painful decision to remove her. She died a short time later.
Morin-Cousineau was arrested and charged with second-degree murder.
During his trial, he claimed the stabbing was an accident. The jury thought otherwise. Evidence showed he had earlier threatened to kill Kelly-Anne if she went to Italy. According to court documents, the final argument had started as a dispute about rent.
The judge, Claude Champagne, wrote that the circumstances of the crime were extremely violent. The attack came from behind without warning. The judge added Morin-Cousineau had a lot of difficulty in his relationships with women, citing his inability to control his anger toward them.
It turned out that another woman had placed a restraining order against him.
Morin-Cousineau was found guilty and sentenced to 13 years in prison. He’s appealing the verdict.
Doreen and her family were relieved the traumatic court case was over, but she was left with the feeling she should have done more for Kelly-Anne.
“I just wish I knew more. And I guess it’s that part of the guilt that will stay with me for a while, maybe forever, I don’t know. But I feel now, I can take what happened to Kelly-Anne and put it into a purpose, to help somebody else. Maybe other lives can be saved.”
She now gives speeches, telling others what she has learned about violence against women – what signs to look for, how to find help – things she wasn’t able to tell her own daughter.
what women need to know
Here’s what Doreen wants to share with women in potentially dangerous relationships:
Many men will hit once, then apologize, so the woman won’t press charges. But then they hit again, and abuse their partner. They verbally threaten to throw women out on the street when they have no job, no money, no security. These men also want to control women’s lives through isolation from family and friends.
Many women live in silence, hoping their relationship will improve. They see it as a sign of failure if they ask for help … Don’t wait!
Go to a neighbour, to a woman’s shelter, or to the police. There is always a way out. Someone will help.
Get help as soon as possible. He will not change or leave.
If there is money involved, don’t wait to be paid back. Your life is worth more than money.
Early in the relationship, if you suspect he may have a criminal background, visit your local courthouse and ask whether he has a record. Insist they check the database.
Doreen has set up a local chapter of an organization called the Murdered or Missing Persons’ Families’ Association (MMPFA). It’s a non-profit group that works on behalf of families whose loved ones have either been murdered or are missing. It helps them deal with the police and the justice system and offers psychological support.
She is doing what she can so other young women will think of Kelly-Anne and consider leaving a violent and potentially dangerous, relationship. “I hope so because life is beautiful and we can have a wonderful life. I have everything I need ... except I don’t have my daughter.”
This feature was first published on's predecessor site CoolWomen.

The Signs

Here are a few signs of what an abusive relationship can be. I speak about this at the conferences which I give. These are the signs which I learnt only after Kelly-Anne was murdered. I am hoping that what I have learnt will help someone else.

Unsettling feeling inside of you
He does not like you not having the same opinion as himself
Your family or friends may not be accepting of your relationship
You feel uncomfortable doing what he wants
You do not feel comfortable with him in the company of others as he is unpredictable
You catch little white lies he tells others, but try to ignore them
You feel that he is constantly manipulating you
He is frequently loosing jobs
He is always asking you for money
He is isolating you from your family and friends
He has a lack of respect for your family and friends
He does not like any of your friends
He picks fights and makes you believe that it is your fault, not his
He does not want to cooperate with you
He makes you feel that it is always your fault if something doesn’t go his way
He call you names
You feel that he is not trustworthy
He tries to intimidate you
He borrows objects and never returns them
He pushes you, shoves you , hits you
He starts to throw and break objects around you
He threatens you.
He makes comments such as:
1.“ You are ugly, nobody else is going to want to go out with you.”
2. “ Don’t push me or I am going to put you on the street and you will have nothing. You need me.”
3.“ I can’t live if you leave me.”
You no longer see your family or friends
You feel that you are not respecting him enough and that it is really your fault
He answers the phone and tells the person at the other end of the line that you are not there when you really are
You are lying for him
You are financing him

If this is you....there is help available. You can get out before it is too late.

A Sweet Story

A couple of weeks ago I was driving to work early in the morning. My usual route is to venture along Highway 13 with the radio on. The 6:00 a.m. news was just finishing and the broadcaster had a story out of Arizona, U.S.A.

It was about an elderly couple living in an "assisted living residence" (what we would call a senior's home). The gentleman in the story was 98 years old and he and his wife were celebrating their 76th year of marriage. The report said that this man was still calling his wife "Princess" after all these years together.

When I heard this story, I thought ,how sweet ... isn't this what we would all hope for in our be with our soulmate and still be the apple of his eye 76 years later!

Oh, how I wish that Kelly-Anne would have had the opportunity to live out her life this way with someone worthy of her. I wish that for all women who are suffering at the hands of abusive partners. This isn't love.

No women deserves the abuse. They only deserve to be respected and loved.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Retiring......I don't think so

Some people ask me what I will do when I retire....Retire what's that? For me, it means a new career. Freedom 55, yes to choose a new career..... let's see from home, four days a week, be my own boss. Now that sounds like the ideal situation.

Winters in Quebec, just think I would be able to roll over in bed at 5:00 a.m. under the warmth of my comforter on a cold stormy morning and not have to think about getting up and out to be at the office for 7:00 a.m.

It's less than two years away...shall I just fantasize about it or make it my reality....I have a decision to make.

My new career....public life path has brought me to this point. I can't hide under my comforter and deny what happened to Kelly-Anne and the many other women who have lived in silence and have suffered the abuse from their partners.

Kelly-Anne would want me to forge forward!


The snow still lies on the ground here in Montreal. -10c and not your typical Easter Sunday. I tried to decorate the house with lilac daisies in a glass vase decorated with lilac and green ribbons...trying to be a little like Kelly-Anne with her Martha Stewart "savoir faire". Little ceramic bunnies line the cabinet in the dining room. Easter egg napkins adorn the dining room table. Pictures of Kelly-Anne surround us, reminding us daily of the beautiful life that was lost to a senseless horrific murder in October 2004.

I was told the day Kelly-Anne died that my life would forever change and it has. Life is different, I see the world differently. I don't sweat the small stuff. Nothing worse in my life could ever effect me as loosing Kelly-Anne is the ultimate pain that I would ever suffer.

Almost four years later, I have now moved along a road that I feared for the day we said goodbye to Kelly-Anne. I did not know how my life would was I to live without Kelly-Anne I asked myself.

I found that if I told Kelly-Anne's story of how she lived and how she died, I would be able to build awareness for other young, middled aged or older women about domestic violence. I have learnt so much since Kelly-Anne's death...I learnt about violence against women at a very high price. My mission now is to educate other women.....there are no boundaries....domestic violence touches all women no matter what their education, social or economic, race, color or religion is.

When I am asked to address women or teenagers at conferences, I feel that Kelly-Anne is near me saying.....".thanks Mom, thanks for helping others and being my voice."

I love you Kelly-Anne and miss you everyday.