October

The young maple trees in front of our house have changed color this past week. Today, the bright golden colors of the leaves shone as the sun casted over the trees. A warm sunny fall day, much like nine years ago when we lost Kelly-Anne. I realized today that next Saturday is October 5th. My goodness time is passing too quickly.

I reflected today about my life and all that has happened during the past nine years. Too much has gone on.....good stuff and not good stuff.....learning to adapt to life without Kell has been the biggest challenge of my life. I  thought about  new friends that I have made; people who never  new Kell...but they felt that they did  know her. I thought about old friends who are no longer in my life.
People change....they say that happens after a death.

I started to make a mental list of the challenges and events that have happened. I realize that Kell has been a part of everything in some way even from Heaven. She has a way of sending me messages.

Just last week I found out that a man I had met last year was very upset when he heard of Kell's death. He did not know that I was her mother nor did I know that it was his daughter, a police officer who was first on the crime scene on Oct.3rd. It seems that Kelly-Anne has been never forgotten. People remember that  she was murdered. I  still bump into  people who ask  me if  I was the  women on t.v.or if I am Kelly-Anne's mother.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, Kell is very much alive in  my dreams. I  don't think I ever dreamt  as much as I have during the past nine years. I have  felt her presence in our house,  and  if Sylvester  could talk, he would confirm that Kell has been here.

Our family was  blessed with a granddaughter which we will baptised this Thanksgiving weekend. Nine years ago we buried Kelly-Anne and this year we will rejoice on Thanksgiving for this precious gift. The more I look at the baby, I see Kelly-Anne. Her ears are just like Kell's. Even though  the baby looks like her father, there is definitely Kelly-Anne there  too.

Our spiritual  journey is very important to myself and Jules. He started a new job in Ontario  this  past July. He comes  home after a very long shift and recounts to me stories about his colleagues. We agreed that everyone has a story but interestingly the dynamics and culture  are so different than what he experienced  in his  last job here in Quebec. As I said to him over lunch today, you  were meant to be where you are.. in that company and in that town. I can only believe that Kelly-Anne played a  role with God that Jules be where he is today. I can also only believe that  I am  where I am suppose to be. Changes will always  happen  in our lives, but we both have a clearer understanding of how to accept and deal with change. After going through a horrific loss, everything else we have faced or will face is peanuts.

Kelly-Anne still guides us. She  helps me  make decisions, she helps me swim in water that I once feared. She watches over her sister and the baby. Today I can say that everything happens for a reason. Was Kelly-Anne's work on  earth completed when she died? I have a hard time to believe that  is was....but she did leave a legacy....and she will never be forgotten.

She has given me the courage to forge forward, to get out of bed and embrace the day. I do not need cigarettes, drugs or liquor to get through the day. I am surrounded by love and I know that Kell is not far.....she has never left me.

As the season changes,  Jules and I will  start the process to move out of Quebec. We know where we belong...we have given it  much  serious thought and  the writing is on the wall. I feel Kell has  helped us  come to that point. We will have another challenge to relocate. We  look forward to the move and know that Kell will find our  home. She knows she is always welcomed.

As we remember Kell this week, lets also remember her smile, her infectious  laughter, her kind and loving  heart. She  still is a wonderful daughter, sister, friend  and now an aunt....even from Heaven.

Love you forever.xxxxxx