Forgiveness

Often I have been asked if I have forgiven Kelly-Anne's murderer. My answer remains the same....NO. "My heart  does not allow myself at this time to  forgive someone who  has not shown any accountability nor responsibility got this heinous  crime." However, I have forgiven someone else. That person is myself. I have finally come to the realization  that I have been carrying around alot of guilt for not being a better mother and for not  seeing the signs and getting my daughter out of her situation. Why didn't I save my daughter from him ?

This evening, I  realize that  I was a good mother to an adult daughter and that I did not  put a knife in my daughter's  brain stem. Only one person did that and he is now in  prison....hopefully for the rest of his life. For me to continue to move forward I must forgive myself.

How often in our lives do we question how we were brought  up. I  view my own upbringing in a  way that  my parents  brought me up the best way they knew how. It  was in some ways  different that how I brought  up my girls. And that is okay as we have evolved differently through the  generations.

I knew very little about domestic abuse in 2004. Today I know and understand more. Kelly-Anne always knew I was there for her, but being a victim at the hands of her abuser prevented her from being open about her situation.  I know now that that was not my fault. I can no longer say I should of known better......

I forgive myself.......another journey starts tonight.