Friday, October 5, 2012


I awoke early this morning recounting  what is was like  eight  years ago that same  morning. What did I feel, what would  I face that day were the toughts that tormented me. We all have memorable monuments in our lives, the birth of our children,  the day they took their first steps, but  I  also have this moment of horror implanted in me. It just doesn't seem to fit right with all the joyous memories.

Rachel  was very clear and right on in her latest entry on  her blog. 2004 divides  my life too. Pre-2004  is somewhat a blur. I guess trauma does that  to you. There are things I just don't recall. Life as I know for most part is post 2004. My void, my pain, my loss, my life lessons, my adjustments.

Today I sit in my office and write as a happy couple are seeing their baby for the first time. Today I call  the first day of the rest of my life. Today, eight years ago was the day that  I  had to make the biggest decision in my life. It was the day that changed my life forever. I didn't know then how my life would turn out  going forward. When you think about it, it really isn't any different  for anybody else. Even someone who does not experience a life changing situation, still  does not know what life will bring them. The thought of the future was just too  traumatic to bear without my daughter, Kelly-Anne. But through the grace of God, family, friends and the community I managed to forge forward with this army behind me. All I can say is thank you for listening to me, being a shoulder to cry on and allowing me to be the voice of Kelly-Anne.

Find Your Courage, a film which I was in is now finished, edited and ready for anyone who would like to view it. I speak from the heart and I hope others in abusive relationships will take the time to look at it. I also hope other parents will listen to my message. Hopefully others lives will be saved.

After viewing the film and listening to my words, I have  finally come to another  realization and have now accepted the fact that Kelly-Anne had a role to play in her death. She knew her life was wrong with Marty but she was afraid of him. It was  painful up until now  to admit that  Kelly-Anne made a bad decision to be with Marty. I believed that my daughter could do no wrong. It  hurt me to hear this from others. I have now come to  the point that I do not blame her for her death, but  do understand her role in it.  I want  other  women to understand that they do not have to have a role in the lost of their life, but their role must be to take charge of their situation and get out of it.There is always someone that can  help...police, social workers, teachers, doctors, women's shelters, and the workplace.

Last week I had the opportunity to speak again from the heart for a two part series  that CTV is producing.  I viewed this as my last venture. I have had the last word  and now must step back.  I have done all I can to be the voice of Kelly-Anne. I have delivered her message and now it is time  for others to follow that  message. My work is completed. I will however continue to blog.

Life  going forward is now about me, my family, the new birth and my business. Life will be full of  laughter and tears...and hopefully more happy tears than sad ones. I look forward to the rest of my life and all the exciting things that will happen to me. Kelly-Anne will always walk beside me no matter where I go or do. She is  always there and will never be forgotten.xxxx

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thinking of you Doreen
hugs xx teresa gerez