And the Signs were Present.....

This past weekend of sun, joy, laughter and tears will never be forgotten. It was quite a wedding. Different from the traditional perspective of how many of us have been brought up, but it was REALLY Kim and Joe's wedding.

And  through it all, Kelly-Anne was present. The signs were all there. We checked in at our hotel only to be given the pass card to room number 128. I chuckled....of all the rooms in the hotel we got one with the number 28 in it...Both Kelly-Anne and Kim were born on the 28th of the month.  We proceeded to the room and opened the door to be greeted with a vase sitting so perfectly on a shelf filled with pussy willows and tiny shining  rocks. At that point I stopped dead in my tracks. I still have the  pussy willows that Kelly-Anne  once owned now sitting  in a vase on a shelf in our bedroom at home. Looking at the  rocks, it reminded me of the little rocks on Kelly-Anne's plaque at the cemetery. It is a Jewish tradition to leave rocks at a cemetery when one visits. It is suppose to let the person who has passed know that someone has visited.

On the wedding day, my dearest friend  and her husband joined us at Kim and Joe's house before proceeding to the ceremony. She had not seen my granddaughter since her baptism. My friend remarked to me that that as she laid  eyes on Paige, all she saw was Kelly-Anne. As I  have said before, God allowed the soul of Kelly-Anne to be put into Paige. No one can tell me differently on that subject !

At the pond, the wind  blew ever so slightly that my husband Jules felt the breeze across his face and wept. I held onto his arm to comfort him while my throat swelled with emotion.

At the dinner afterwards, the bridesmaid stood to make a toast  to Kelly-Anne. I though that was very dear and kind of her to do so. Kelly-Anne will never be forgotten no matter  what happens in our lives. She is such a  big part of everything that is happening to all of us. I truly believe she  smiled and danced for her sister and  embraced the joy of the day. Never far is she...... to those that believe.

An Opportunity Denied

Last evening we decided to have an earlier dinner as hubby and I still had to decide what to pack for our weekend away. As such Canadian weather can sometimes surprise us even though the weather network is calling for a summer like weekend. 

As I start to poke at my colorful dinner plate of arugula salad and grilled chicken or what  Jules would call grass or rabbit  food, he decided to start  our supper conversation with " So, do you think you will be okay on Saturday? " Do you think you will cry? I wondered for a moment where that was coming from, then he said which of course  brought my heart to my throat..."Kelly-Anne should of had a chance to have had this too." As my throat seized up and my eyes swelled with tears, I replied,  "yes you are right, she should of have had this opportunity to marry."

Our conversation went into a stand still and dinner  continued with a  rerun of Two and a Half Men. I thought  how deep Jules thinking is at times. I think he made these comments because he senses greatly the loss we will face even tomorrow as Kim weds. Kelly-Anne should of been by her sister's side on her very special day. Kelly-Anne should of had a chance to have met a partner who would of loved her to the moon and back, but no her life was ripped away.

I remember today all other women who should of had an opportunity to be loved and not murdered. These women, like Kelly-Anne did not deserve the treatment they received  from men who decided to intervene in God's plan. An abundant  life denied of love, family, careers and adventure.

I am thankful that tomorrow Kim will have standing beside her loving friends and family. The sun will shine and I will look for that ever so  slight breeze off the  off the pond. It will be Kelly-Anne's message that she is near and dancing for her sister.

Life Means Life

 Time has flown passed me in a flash since my last post. Getting over Maya's death  was not easy. We finally adjusted to not having her around us. I think Jules was more concerned about Sylvester and Naji falling into a depression, but cats like humans have  a certain resilience.

February brought me an unexpected invitation to meet and address Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Minister Steven Blanley. I spoke about my recent visit to the parole hearing this past November and I  made a few suggestions  about what should be changed regarding  the laws governing eligibility for parole. My suggestions were heard !

Later that day  I attended a press conference where the  Prime Minister announced that  the Charter for Victims Rights would be passed in the House of Commons. For him and the Conservatives, life means life. Going forward it will be much more difficult for someone  to get paroled if they  are repeat offenders. It is all good. We are moving in the right direction. I commented to one of his staffers that this present government is the first government in my  life ( and I  have had many prime ministers!) that has actually recognized victims of crime and is  working  towards making the necessary changes to better protect Canadians. It was a wonderful opportunity to be in the company of the  Prime Minister. I truly appreciated the day and was honored to have been invited.

Last week, I officially finished working. My office was sold and I spent many a day training the new owners on the ins and outs of the business. It is bittersweet. The past three years were the best time of my  professional life. I learnt so much, met wonderful people, saw our beautiful creations of God almost every day. I am now in transition. Only God knows what lies ahead, but I can honestly say I am not worried.  I will end up in the right place. Another adventure awaits me ! Another job where I can continue to make a difference in other  people's lives..... it is  the only job I will accept.

It seems that since leaving work I have not had a minute of quiet time. Spring cleaning, exercising, swimming  and preparing for a very special wedding next week. Kim & Joe will marry. I look forward to this joyous day, but know my heart will be heavy not having Kelly-Anne with us. I know I have to smile and embrace the day and the love that  shines between my daughter and her wonderful partner. They both deserve the day to be beautiful and happy. I know Kelly-Anne will be beaming from Heaven and sending  love to her sister in  her very own special  way.

Maya

On January 27th Jules and I tearfully said our goodbyes to Maya our almost 15 year old cat. Maya came into our lives via Kelly-Anne and Kim. According to Kelly-Anne, I needed a new friend. Maya soon became the head of the household. She was curious and into mischief in her  kitten years. We enjoyed her spunk and playfulness. She was one of my best friends.

We had many occasions to do girls things. It may sound funny but there were times she would sit on the bed as I tried on various outfits trying to decide which one to wear. She patiently would sit there watching my fashion show. Once she was satisfied with what I had on, she would  jump off the bed and leave the bedroom. I would  laugh and say to myself  that she likes what I am wearing or she is just just plain fed up with my indecisiveness. Maya also loved being in the spot light. Whenever a reporter or cameraman came to the house, Maya somehow find a way to interrupt filming. She would either get her face in front of the camera or try to claw away at a chair. She knew that I would stop and  yell at her resulting in another interruption.

The reality is that Maya consumed our lives joyfully. She tolerated a little brother and eventually a little sister. She greeted us up to a day or two prior to her passing at the front door upon our return from work. She was in charge of the house and was  respected by her siblings.

There is a void in the house. We are adapting. I do know that Maya is in a better place where  she has no pain. She has been reunited with Kelly-Anne. They can now continue to play ball as I clearly remember like it was just yesterday Kelly-Anne throwing a ball at Maya to run and catch.

Saying goodbye to Maya felt like again we came full circle with Kelly-Anne. Maya was part of our history, she was a part of Kelly-Anne. Our little cat angel. Rest in  peace.

'Tis the Season

The tree and  house are decorated and the baking is completed. We await the family and the sparkle of  Paige's eyes. This Christmas season I  vow to  be happy and embrace my family and the spirit of new birth.  I am still  reminded each day of how Kelly-Anne is such a apart of our lives and how her soul is in our Paige, our greatest gift. I am also  reminded of Christmas past and how Kelly-Anne loved the season. And for her, I smile because that is what she would expect me to do.

This past month we heard of  the deaths of eight innocent children in Australia, and three American police officers in the line of duty. All slain. I wish for once we could really have  peace on earth...but the only thing I can do is bring about peace in my life and help those near me. We all can't carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. It just pains me that  others have to suffer and that lives are snuffed out.

This is the season of peace and hope. I ask you to share the season with your loved ones and to remember those who are in need.

I look towards the new year to come with anticipation, excitement and change. I do not know what lies ahead but I am ready to embrace  2015. Season's greetings to all.

Life is a gift...use it well.

35

Today, Kelly-Anne would of been 35 years old. I only know that  if she were here, she would of been happy and most probably celebrating. I celebrate her life and  am so very proud of her accomplishements during her 24 years on this earth.

Yesterday, she was present with us in that prison. She held me and gave me strength. My daughter never leaves  my side.

Tonight as I  light a candle for her, I will toast  my daughter in celebration of her contributions she made on earth and how she continues to impact  my life and  the community from Heaven.

Facing the Devil

Yesterday, Kelly-Anne's family were at the parole hearing for her killer. He decide he would  request day parole because it was his legal right to do so according to the sentence he had received.
It was our choice to be there and to present statements, a choice I do not regret. Even though it was an emotional  time, I felt that the board needed to hear from us. The board needed to hear the depth our our loss and how life as been for us during the  past 10 years.

I felt that I was in a time bubble. Time has stood still for Martin Morin -Cousineau. Nothing has changed in his life whereas I and many others lives have evolved. We have all faced challenges, learnt and seen new things, met new people and experienced the good and  the not so good. That is  life, but for him he remains unchanged.

He is unchanged because of choice. He  does not see himself as equal to the other prisoners. He  still believes that he has been wrongfully convicted and that he should not have been found guilty of second degree murder.  He fails to understand that  his peers judged him guilty and that judgement was backed up by an appeal hearing.

I must say that Correctional Services have gone over and above to help him...but as the old saying goes, you  can't lead a horse to water and expect him to drink. One needs to first accept  the situation, then make the decision to change and move forward with a plan and the determination to stick to that plan. This is  something he has not done.

I am not worried. I will now leave the future of his stay in prison to the Parole Board. From what I  witnessed yesterday, he will never get out of prison.

The devil remains behind bars. I will keep watching him from afar with yearly reports from  Correctional Services. I will continue to write statements when needed, but I will never see his face again as I will never return to prison. His future will be predicated on what he  succeed to do in prison. It is all in the devil's hands.