A Humbling Feeling

Something happened in the early hours of this past morning. As Jules and I slept so very soundly, I was softly awaken by Maya our eldest cat. She was sitting between us and facing me. I awoke to her paw gently patting my arm. It is just a lovely, serene way to wake up.

Her soft demure ( and we all know how bad she can be at times !) and how I felt so protected, reminded me of Kelly-Anne's experience surfing in the Pacific with the dolphins surrounding her. She described that event in an email as being a humbling experience. Now, I better understand how Kelly-Anne felt that moment surfing the waves. Animals have a way of soothing the soul and making us feel good. Maya seems to understand my everyone mood. She has hovered over me when I have faced difficult days.

I wish I could wake up that way everyday. It's alot better that be awaken by the clock!

Talk is Cheap

It has come to my attention again that more and more people are coming up with "Marty" stories. I cannot tell you the credibility of the stories as I do not know the people telling them. It hurts to know that this person who took Kelly-Anne's life had such a sorted past. All we can do from this is learn from it and look out for these types of characteristics in others who have have a violent pattern.

My suggestion to those who know of Marty's past, is to document what you know because one day we will be facing the parole board. Marty can apply for parole in less than 8 years now. Those that know him seems to agree that he will never change, therefore do you want him on our streets? Do you want your sister , daughter or friend at risk? This is by far not a publicity stunt...this is serious.

There are many Marty's and Kelly-Anne 's still on our streets...meaning ,many women are still be abused by men like Marty. These women have not come forward because they live in fear. How are we going to help them? If somehow had come forward before Kelly-Anne met Marty to do something about him, maybe Kell would be alive today and this blog would not exist...but the women who dated Marty were fearful and thus dropped the charges. That must of made Marty feel that he was untouchable and gave him more power to be violent.

Talk is cheap but action speak louder than words. For those who feel as bad as I do about loosing my wonderful daughter, please contact me if you want to join forces to keep Marty in jail. Petitions, lobbying to the government, media interaction are all important tools that have to be dealt with at the time of the parole hearing.

Step up to the plate people....this is not a witch hunt...this is about doing the right thing for Kelly-Anne and all women who have died at the hands of violent men. many crimes especially murder are committed by men on parole. Why, because they conned the parole board in letting them out on the premise that they were good boys inside , went to chapel, were born again and have said that they are sorry for their bad deeds.


So who will help me?

Time Heals

I having been thinking alot lately about myself , the family, friends and of course Kelly-Anne. But life for some strange reason seems to be different recently. It is like life is changing again. I have always maintained that after a life changing event such as loosing a loved one from a murder, the ones who have been left behind lives's forever changes. For life is not better nor worse than before Kelly-Anne was murdered, but just different. Her death has not made me an angry hostile person...because really it is not the world, nor God that I should be angry with. There is only one person responsible for her death. His peers judged him and is now locked up. The day will come that God will judge him just like God will judge all of us.

The forgivness issue at times creeps up in my brain...but I have come to the conclusion that the only person that can forgive Kelly-Anne's murderer is Kelly-Anne. Can that possibly happen? I can't answer that.

Kelly-Anne's death, with all it's horror, sadness and devastation brought me to meet in the past five years some wonderful people. People who have stood by me through it all and strangely enough relationships that became bonded through the circumstances of life. In reality, we are more alike than unlike ( my famous words). I think it is the people around me than allowed me to heal and lessen the pain. Sure, there are still difficult days but I am still able to turn my face towards the sun and say thank you for my life and the people around me.

This week a friend called to touch base and say hi. We talked and I felt so good speaking to him. Life has taken on a new dimension for him. After getting off the phone, I reflected about our conversation. Now he faces change and adaption just like I did last February when I found out that my job was abolished. Those sudden changes helped mold my life into what is it now and it is the sudden events that change our lives that help us to be stronger and wiser people. Life is not to be taken for granted and the friendships we have are not to be tainted. They should be supportive and nurturing.

Loosing a job is hard especially when you love your job and knew you were making a difference, but I have discovered the past three months that I can make a difference no matter where I work or what type of work I do. I feel so much better within my self that I am somewhere else in my career......even after all the years I spent in my last company. My confidence has come back to an all time high. I know that Kelly-Anne is proud of me and wants me to help others as they face change and difficulties. We all have the power and capacity to take charge of our lives and to challenge ourselves to overcome judgement and pain.

My friend, you know who you are...turn your face towards the sun and be proud.

Happy New Year

I can't believe how time is passing us to quickly. It has been a month since I last posted.

Christmas was special as Kim hosted the dinner at her apartment. The table was set beautifully and the tree and decorations gave such a splendor to the occasion. Kim in her own special ways remembered Kelly-Anne by pinning up Kell's old Christmas stocking. I loved seeing it on displayed and felt again that Kell was nearby watching over us.

Kim cooked a wonderful meal. As I write this, I am chuckling to myself about the girls and their cooking expertise. I always felt that if one of the girls was to be the more inclined that the other to cook it would be Kell. I have already recounted to you stories of Kelly-Anne's cooking experiences, but I must say Kim really impressed me. Her chestnut stuffing was incredible! As you also know, Kim is a wonderful pie dough maker. Even with her busy schedule she found the time to make my meat pie crust.

Having not to cook for Christmas allowed me to reflect more on Christmases past. Now as the years go by, Kim is stating to take over the reigns. She did remark that the next time she cooks Christmas dinner, she better have a husband and a dishwasher. I neglected to ask her if the dishwasher would be the husband.

Jules and I did our regular thing for New Year's Eve... dinner at our favorite Italian resto , then a bottle of sparking wine while we and probably many others watched the ball drop in New York.

It seem that the hardest part was to stay await between 11:30 p.m. and 12:00.

My New Year's resolutions have been put in place...and I don't intend to break them. The list is short but straightforward : diet, exercise, lend an ear to a friend, and be happy.

Enjoy your year!

December 6th 2009

This past December 6th brought us back 20 years ago when the 14 young women from Ecole Polytechniec in Montreal were murdered. I had the opportunity to do a radio interview on CBC and was asked about Kelly-Anne and how I was feeling now that 20 years have gone by.

I responded that what really hit home for me was the fact that within these past years, these 14 young women would have most probably been busy in their careers , had children and would of been in the prime of their lives.

How will I feel when we mark the 20th anniversary for Kelly-Anne, I ask myself. Most probably the same way. We will never know what she would of become and what contributions she would of made to society, how many children she would of had and how she would of cared for her familyand touched the lives of others around her. It is still really hard to believe that she is gone. I tell myself that Kelly-Anne is away on a trip surfing the oceans. Though I do not see her, I am able to feel her. Kelly-Anne is so nearby in spirit. So many things have happened in the past five years that I am 100 % sure she had her hand on certain events.

I do not know how the families of the 14 young women have managed to get thorough the last 20 years, but I thoughts are with them. We are the chosen few. We have our our clique and have a cross to bear each day of our lives. Are we stronger than other people...I don't know, but the event of polytechnic and that of Kelly-Anne's murder had made us all stronger and wiser.

Remembering Kelly-Anne Part 2

Tonight I realize that the time has sped by so quickly that I have not had a chance to write about the fundraiser in honor of Kelly-Anne.

I was delighted to see over 100 people attend the event this year. Being the 100th anniversary of the Lifesaving Society brought some of the old timer lifeguards to the event. It was nice to see them attend and hear some of the stories they reminisced about.

Awards were given out to the present lifeguards for the competitions which they participated in this year. It was nice to spend time with Kelly-Anne's co -partners and to hear the honorary president Eddie Beaucage recount some sweet stories of this relationship with Kelly-Anne.

Eddie spoke about how inquisitive Kelly-Anne was. It seemed that they did alot of commuting together and Kelly-Anne would ask him many questions about hockey. She did have a keen interest in the sport and she did learn to skate as a young child but it was never really her forte. I chucked as he spoke about the many questions that she would asked as I realize that Kelly-Anne got that gene from me as I have a habit of asking alot of questions. Well if you don't ask, you will never know...that is my motto.

Kelly-Anne did decide one day to participate in a women's hockey game at Concordia. She asked me to attend which I did. It was quite something to see her all decked out in the equipment. She was on the ice and tried her best to skate and handle the stick...well as I said at the fundraiser, Kelly-Anne was better in the water than on top of frozen water. That hockey game still makes me laugh as she was so funny trying to play. Kelly-Anne was a good sport and that is what counted.

The event brought in over $ 6,000.00 which will help the competitors with the world competition next year in Egypt. Kelly-Anne still remains very close to the hearts of her friends at the Society and continues to be an example for the young lifeguards. She is forever in our hearts.

Remembering Kelly-Anne: Part 1

Kelly-Anne's beautiful birthday cake made lovingly from

La Conca d'Oro

Boulanger Pâtisserie Charcuterie

2549, Jean-Talon east

Montreal, Quebec

514-728-2756

I walked into this established Montreal family bakery for the first time yesterday and very quickly felt the warmth of community and love. They graciously prepared this cake which had a mocha coffee filling and Kelly-Anne 's smile embossed in the centre. Seeing the cake and not knowing what they had did, resulted in a melt down right there in the shop. The other pastries that they provided for the evening were outstanding and so delicately made and the pizza was the way I like it. I don't usually plug in businesses on my blog , but not speaking about La Conca d'Oro would be unfair as they were very much a part of last night's success. Give yourself a break this Christmas and let them do your baking. This bakery is in the heart of the ethic community and have wonderful Italian products.