Day 3

I awoke early this morning and made decision that I would keep busy and active this week, but needless to say my plans of going swimming today just didn't happen. I also woke with with a sore throat and head congestion. My hubby had the same thing last week and even up to today he can hardly talk. I feel the same way, so the solitude of my home was very comforting today. I looked outside and at one point the sun shone, but what I noticed was the many colorful leaves now fallen from the trees. It just seems that fall really creeped up on us quite quickly here in Montreal.

I have this "policy" that I don't wear any socks between June 1st and October 1st. Well I don't think I will get to October 1st this year without any socks on! Kelly-Anne too like her bare feet and sockless shoes. She even felt comfortable driving in bare feet! Now that is not something that I can do.

Today after breakfast I prepared a spaghetti sauce. I usually make one each week or two. I just love the herbs and spices in my sauce, not that I could smell them very well today. I also throw in a cup of red wine. I find the wine while simmering for a bit gives a nice rich flavor. While cooking I thought about the meals that Kelly-Anne liked to cook and sadly it brought me back to the last meal that she ever cook. Pork chops and side kick noodles. I said to myself...get that out of my head and think about the meals that she cooked in happier times. At that point I remembered her roast beef dinners garnished with all the trimming. She really was a good cook.

I thought about her again today as I sat with my button box and reorganized it. I have this plastic mauve colored box which has hundreds of the most beautiful buttons. I was thinking about how Kelly-Anne loved to sew and how she would of probably asked me for some of these buttons.

I thought about Thanksgiving weekend and decided to make a reservation in Ontario for our Thanksgiving meal. It's only about 1.5 hours away. Jules and I have been going there for the past two years. It's quaint,old fashion home cooking in the country and I don't have to cook. I had spend so many years cooking meals for the holidays that by the end of the day I was tired and exhausted from everything. It now has come to a point in my life that I want to enjoy the holidays in a more relaxed way. Driving through the autumn breeze and colorful scenery is a better way of doing things. It's about time that will not be wasted over a stove. I always loved Thanksgiving weekend. It was a really big thing while growing up and while the girls were young and my parents were still alive. In 2004, that all changed. Since then, I have been dreading October as for what is now symbolized in being a very sad month. I am trying now to bring myself to appreciate October and it's beauty and to look forward to my birthday and at the end of the month to Kim's birthday.

Tonight after supper, Jules and I will sit and watch our favorite shows while sipping tea. I will surprise him with a couple of baked apples.....we need to warm the soul and start to enjoy the month ahead.....I keep telling myself that Kelly-Anne would expect us to enjoy October but without her here, it isn't easy. Life is not better or worse than prior to October 2004. It's just different. Part of my soul is still lost and very wounded and it is with every step and breath that I take, that I remind myself that I must forge forward, keep strong and love those around me.