I wrote in my last entry about Kelly-Anne's bathing suit with the number 4 on it. This evening as I cleaned up a book shelf, I came across a book about dreams. I found a piece referring to the meaning of the number 4. Here it is:
The symbolic meaning of number Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things. Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance.
How amazing and symbolic all this means to me. In the past couple of years I have returned to a more rooted, basic lifestyle. Since last December I have seeked more calmness in my life by avoiding those who emit negative energy. My home has become more of the hub....a place of not just four walls. I have centered myself with more discipline and feel very grounded in myself on a personal and business level.
Kelly-Anne was just giving me a reminder that I am on the right path. She knew I would eventually figure out what the number 4 meant and is probably giggling away as I write this message.
It just goes to show that our loved ones who have departed have a way of sending us messages through dreams. It is for us to be opened to read through the lines and understand that the message may not always be immediately clear, but at some point it eventually will have great meaning once the puzzle is completed.
Friday, August 16, 2013
I am Always with You
A few weeks ago, I had again the strangest dream. Kelly-Anne seems to be everywhere these days but this dream left me with a very soothing message.
It was winter and we were on a chartered bus in a shopping mall parking lot. Kelly-Anne turned to me and said that she forgot her bathing suit at the pool and that we had to go quickly to retrieve it from the bottom of the pool. We got off the bus and ran to the pool. Her bathing suit with the number 4 on it was in clear view but at the bottom of the pool. She asked me to get it, but I hestated as I said I could not swim down that far. Somehow I leaned over the pool and picked up the bathing suit...that in my dream was not clear, but I did have it in my hands. We ran back to were the bus was only to see that it had departed. We stood there in the parking lot alone together and realized that my car, a black one was parked nearby. We got in the car and drove away.
Strange as it is, I woke up from that dream and realized again that she is always with me... we only needed each other. I retrieved her bathing suit with her help and even though the bus left without us we still managed to find transportation.
Just wanted to share this with you........I feel inspired , reassured and happy that Kelly-Anne finds her way into my life on a daily basis to encourage and help me.
It was winter and we were on a chartered bus in a shopping mall parking lot. Kelly-Anne turned to me and said that she forgot her bathing suit at the pool and that we had to go quickly to retrieve it from the bottom of the pool. We got off the bus and ran to the pool. Her bathing suit with the number 4 on it was in clear view but at the bottom of the pool. She asked me to get it, but I hestated as I said I could not swim down that far. Somehow I leaned over the pool and picked up the bathing suit...that in my dream was not clear, but I did have it in my hands. We ran back to were the bus was only to see that it had departed. We stood there in the parking lot alone together and realized that my car, a black one was parked nearby. We got in the car and drove away.
Strange as it is, I woke up from that dream and realized again that she is always with me... we only needed each other. I retrieved her bathing suit with her help and even though the bus left without us we still managed to find transportation.
Just wanted to share this with you........I feel inspired , reassured and happy that Kelly-Anne finds her way into my life on a daily basis to encourage and help me.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
On a Cloud
Getting back into the daily routine was very hard after spending time in Alberta visiting our granddaughter. Ah, what a joy and a blessing is she. Saying goodbye at the airport was rough for all of us and even harder when the plane took off into mid air. I sat there crying as I knew there was no turning back....you know the movie scenario when the plane is taxing on the tarmac and all of a sudden the plane stops, the door opens and the beautiful women steps out and runs down the stairs into the arms of the man she loves. Only in movies...oh I had wished that were the case. I just couldn't get enough of her cuddles, smiles and oous and ahs.
Everyday she seems to change. People tell me that she has my eyes. I say she now looks like her Dad, but I do see the resemblance of myself in her eyes. Babies change so quickly. Kim is constantly stimulating her with music, exercises and even reads to her. Elmo and Dog are her two buddies who hang with her in her stroller and on the floor.
The routine of motherhood has set in for Kim. She is enjoying every minute of her new responsibilities of nurturing her baby. And what a mom she is! I couldn't be prouder.
Things have changed since I was a young mother. I was not with Kim a day when she said to me "Mom, why are you questioning everything I do?" I responded by saying that I am not questioning what you are doing, but questioning how so many things have changed. Raising a baby is different in 2013. I am still stuck in the 80's with baby and child stuff.
Returning to the hotel each night, I laid in bed thinking of the days events and about how much Kelly-Anne is missed at this time. I look at our granddaughter and see this precious life which gives me hope, strength and courage to continue to forge forward. She has allowed me to renew my confidence within myself and somehow is telling me that a little bit of Kelly-Anne lies within her. Kelly-Anne's niece is telling me to be happy and let go of the pain. Through the tears, I can now smile.
Everyday she seems to change. People tell me that she has my eyes. I say she now looks like her Dad, but I do see the resemblance of myself in her eyes. Babies change so quickly. Kim is constantly stimulating her with music, exercises and even reads to her. Elmo and Dog are her two buddies who hang with her in her stroller and on the floor.
The routine of motherhood has set in for Kim. She is enjoying every minute of her new responsibilities of nurturing her baby. And what a mom she is! I couldn't be prouder.
Things have changed since I was a young mother. I was not with Kim a day when she said to me "Mom, why are you questioning everything I do?" I responded by saying that I am not questioning what you are doing, but questioning how so many things have changed. Raising a baby is different in 2013. I am still stuck in the 80's with baby and child stuff.
Returning to the hotel each night, I laid in bed thinking of the days events and about how much Kelly-Anne is missed at this time. I look at our granddaughter and see this precious life which gives me hope, strength and courage to continue to forge forward. She has allowed me to renew my confidence within myself and somehow is telling me that a little bit of Kelly-Anne lies within her. Kelly-Anne's niece is telling me to be happy and let go of the pain. Through the tears, I can now smile.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
A Message from a Stranger
A few months ago, I was at my hairdresser getting a hair revamp if I may call it that. While sitting and waiting for the dye to settle on my roots I picked up a conversation with a women next to me. For me, it is a common occurrence to talk to people while at the hairdresser. The women told me that she was retired from the hospital where Kelly-Anne had succumb to her wounds. We talked for only a short while and she told me a little about her work and I told her how amazing that hospital is but sadly Kelly-Anne could not be saved. It wasn't a long conversation as we both shortly went off to our hair stylist for our cuts.
The lady finished getting her cut prior to me but before she left the salon she came to where I was and said," You know we may never meet again, but I feel that your daughter Kelly-Anne sent me here today to give you a message. I feel that it was meant that we meet today. I want to give you her message that she wants you to be happy and to do what you need to do to move forward." I sat there with tears streaming down my face as my hairdresser gently patted my arm.
I have not forgotten that moment and feel the same as that lady, that we were meant to meet that day so she could give me a message. I realized that after that meeting, my life started to change even more so. Another page was turned which included more healing and acceptance of Kelly-Anne's death. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I know now that Kelly-Anne is at peace. She is alright and still continues to watch over all of her family and friends. She knows she is not forgotten. Now I can move forward with my life...to not fear the future, to embrace every day as a new day, a gift. I am able to say that I love my life, my husband, my daughters, my grandchild, my son -in law, my three crazy feline friends, my human friends and my business and my employees.
Life has fallen into place. I am where I am suppose to be right now. Thank you to the lady delivering that special message from Kelly-Anne. I do not even know her name, but know that she was sent from Kelly-Anne that day. Kelly-Anne used this angel on earth to get to me. How wonderful is that.
The lady finished getting her cut prior to me but before she left the salon she came to where I was and said," You know we may never meet again, but I feel that your daughter Kelly-Anne sent me here today to give you a message. I feel that it was meant that we meet today. I want to give you her message that she wants you to be happy and to do what you need to do to move forward." I sat there with tears streaming down my face as my hairdresser gently patted my arm.
I have not forgotten that moment and feel the same as that lady, that we were meant to meet that day so she could give me a message. I realized that after that meeting, my life started to change even more so. Another page was turned which included more healing and acceptance of Kelly-Anne's death. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I know now that Kelly-Anne is at peace. She is alright and still continues to watch over all of her family and friends. She knows she is not forgotten. Now I can move forward with my life...to not fear the future, to embrace every day as a new day, a gift. I am able to say that I love my life, my husband, my daughters, my grandchild, my son -in law, my three crazy feline friends, my human friends and my business and my employees.
Life has fallen into place. I am where I am suppose to be right now. Thank you to the lady delivering that special message from Kelly-Anne. I do not even know her name, but know that she was sent from Kelly-Anne that day. Kelly-Anne used this angel on earth to get to me. How wonderful is that.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Lost For Words
In the early morning of April 2nd our granddaughter made her entrance into our world. Lost for words is how I can only describe what I felt at that moment. Obviously we knew for the last nine months that Kim was going to have a baby, but when the moment of her birth day finally arrived, this little person literally took my breath away. It has taken me since then to sit in front of my blog to write about her beauty, her body language, her hair and how alert she is. I am in awe and finding the words to describe how I feel is really not easy, even now.
Each day I see new pictures of her....she looks like she loves fashion.....love her little outfits. She shows us her large hands and long artistic looking fingers...what is all that about I ask....oh maybe she will play an instrument or enjoy drawing. Only the future will tell. What I did not expect was the amount of dark hair and how much she looks like Kim when Kim was born. Seeing my daughter so blissfully in love with her baby and her partner brings me so much joy.
Now how do I really feel being a new grandmother........proud, energized, walking on a cloud. She has changed my life. I am only angry over one thing which has brought me to tears and that is why isn't Kelly-Anne not here to share this moment with us. So not right...just imagine if she were with us on earth, Kell would have stopped what ever she was doing, hopped on a plane and surprised Kim. Kell would of embraced this occasion in her own special way. I know Kelly-Anne knows that she is an auntie now and I know she is watching over the baby. But my heart is still in pain.
I rejoice that my granddaughter is healthy, that she is loved and surrounded by wonderful people. Jules and I look forward to our trip out west this spring. We can't wait to take her shopping....baby needs to learn at a young age how to shop for a bargain !
I feel now I can relate to all the new grandmothers - to -be who come into my office on a daily basis. They are so excited to have a first hand peek of their grandchild. New birth, new life, such a beautiful gift to be appreciated, to be love and respected.
I am embracing the time I have with my granddaughter. I am proud of Kim and know she and her partner will be exceptional parents. Oh how motherhood and grandmother hood can change you...I have truly won the lotto !!
Each day I see new pictures of her....she looks like she loves fashion.....love her little outfits. She shows us her large hands and long artistic looking fingers...what is all that about I ask....oh maybe she will play an instrument or enjoy drawing. Only the future will tell. What I did not expect was the amount of dark hair and how much she looks like Kim when Kim was born. Seeing my daughter so blissfully in love with her baby and her partner brings me so much joy.
Now how do I really feel being a new grandmother........proud, energized, walking on a cloud. She has changed my life. I am only angry over one thing which has brought me to tears and that is why isn't Kelly-Anne not here to share this moment with us. So not right...just imagine if she were with us on earth, Kell would have stopped what ever she was doing, hopped on a plane and surprised Kim. Kell would of embraced this occasion in her own special way. I know Kelly-Anne knows that she is an auntie now and I know she is watching over the baby. But my heart is still in pain.
I rejoice that my granddaughter is healthy, that she is loved and surrounded by wonderful people. Jules and I look forward to our trip out west this spring. We can't wait to take her shopping....baby needs to learn at a young age how to shop for a bargain !
I feel now I can relate to all the new grandmothers - to -be who come into my office on a daily basis. They are so excited to have a first hand peek of their grandchild. New birth, new life, such a beautiful gift to be appreciated, to be love and respected.
I am embracing the time I have with my granddaughter. I am proud of Kim and know she and her partner will be exceptional parents. Oh how motherhood and grandmother hood can change you...I have truly won the lotto !!
Monday, March 25, 2013
40 Weeks
I laid in bed last night thinking about Kim and the soon to be arrival of the baby. 40 weeks has finally arrived and it seems that the baby is not quite ready to come out and face the world. Alot has been going through my mind about how Kim's labour will be. She said something very profound to me a few weeks ago....something that I support and truly believe in as I use the same thinking in facing life's challenges.
We were talking about labour and how my labour was when I was giving birth to Kim. Kim said that she would have a natural birth with no meds. She said she had passed through the worst pain in her life so this was going to be easy. I was so proud to hear those words from her as I have adopted that thinking after loosing my job after 28 years of service back in 2009. A sudden homicide of a loved one is the worst thing anyone could go through, so whatever happens later in life that seems dramatic, for me can be dealt with much easier. I passed a colonoscopy a few years ago with no meds. The doctor kept on offering and I kept on refusing. I said to him and the nurses that I had already passed the worst pain in my life so this would be peanuts as compared to the pain Kelly-Anne had suffered.
Jules and I both faced job losses and we both continued to forge forward. Yes I did find my dream job and Jules continues with much gusto even with doors closing in front of him. He is so resilient.
I know this week will be a life changing week for our family especially for Kim and her boyfriend. A new life filled with adventures, joys, tears....motherhood and fatherhood.
As we approach Passover and Easter, I find it fitting that new life in our family happens this week. Irony.........or maybe Kelly-Anne again is using her angel powers.
Blessings to all of you !
We were talking about labour and how my labour was when I was giving birth to Kim. Kim said that she would have a natural birth with no meds. She said she had passed through the worst pain in her life so this was going to be easy. I was so proud to hear those words from her as I have adopted that thinking after loosing my job after 28 years of service back in 2009. A sudden homicide of a loved one is the worst thing anyone could go through, so whatever happens later in life that seems dramatic, for me can be dealt with much easier. I passed a colonoscopy a few years ago with no meds. The doctor kept on offering and I kept on refusing. I said to him and the nurses that I had already passed the worst pain in my life so this would be peanuts as compared to the pain Kelly-Anne had suffered.
Jules and I both faced job losses and we both continued to forge forward. Yes I did find my dream job and Jules continues with much gusto even with doors closing in front of him. He is so resilient.
I know this week will be a life changing week for our family especially for Kim and her boyfriend. A new life filled with adventures, joys, tears....motherhood and fatherhood.
As we approach Passover and Easter, I find it fitting that new life in our family happens this week. Irony.........or maybe Kelly-Anne again is using her angel powers.
Blessings to all of you !
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The Page Project
The pages of our life tell the story of how we would like to be remembered. After much soul searching, I finally came up with an idea of what I could do for my new granddaughter. I wanted her to have something that would last forever, something that she could use and bring to life which would fill her with fond memories and allow her to continue our legacy even after I leave this world.
Because I have a love of cooking, I decided to create a scrapbook of recipes old and new. Recipes that go back to when Kelly-Anne and Kim were little girls. I have divided the book into many sections and have joyfully created interesting projects with colorful pictures such as a little girl's tea party that she could do at some point. There is a section on our Lebanese heritage including Kim's favorite Lebanese dish...kibbe balls ! There is also a roast beef recipe that Kell loved. She could cook up a storm. Kim, since being away has become very creative in her cooking style. She has sent me many pictures of her beautiful platters, especially her appetizers.
Cooking with children has to one of the most fun things to do. I know that Kim will take the time with her daughter to teach her the many techniques that she has. Creating this book has brought my emotions to the surface. Looking back at some of my hand written recipes which are included in the the book, remind me of the style of cooking and fun recipes that the girls looked forward to. One thing for sure, I never had a problem getting the girls to try something different....they may of not particularly enjoyed the meal, but at least they gave it a shot. I hope my granddaughter grows up with an apprecitation and a curiosity for food.
The book is not yet completed. I don't think baby will be needed it any time soon.......the Page Project is a work in progress with an abundance of love poured into it.
Because I have a love of cooking, I decided to create a scrapbook of recipes old and new. Recipes that go back to when Kelly-Anne and Kim were little girls. I have divided the book into many sections and have joyfully created interesting projects with colorful pictures such as a little girl's tea party that she could do at some point. There is a section on our Lebanese heritage including Kim's favorite Lebanese dish...kibbe balls ! There is also a roast beef recipe that Kell loved. She could cook up a storm. Kim, since being away has become very creative in her cooking style. She has sent me many pictures of her beautiful platters, especially her appetizers.
Cooking with children has to one of the most fun things to do. I know that Kim will take the time with her daughter to teach her the many techniques that she has. Creating this book has brought my emotions to the surface. Looking back at some of my hand written recipes which are included in the the book, remind me of the style of cooking and fun recipes that the girls looked forward to. One thing for sure, I never had a problem getting the girls to try something different....they may of not particularly enjoyed the meal, but at least they gave it a shot. I hope my granddaughter grows up with an apprecitation and a curiosity for food.
The book is not yet completed. I don't think baby will be needed it any time soon.......the Page Project is a work in progress with an abundance of love poured into it.
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