I laid in bed last night thinking about Kim and the soon to be arrival of the baby. 40 weeks has finally arrived and it seems that the baby is not quite ready to come out and face the world. Alot has been going through my mind about how Kim's labour will be. She said something very profound to me a few weeks ago....something that I support and truly believe in as I use the same thinking in facing life's challenges.
We were talking about labour and how my labour was when I was giving birth to Kim. Kim said that she would have a natural birth with no meds. She said she had passed through the worst pain in her life so this was going to be easy. I was so proud to hear those words from her as I have adopted that thinking after loosing my job after 28 years of service back in 2009. A sudden homicide of a loved one is the worst thing anyone could go through, so whatever happens later in life that seems dramatic, for me can be dealt with much easier. I passed a colonoscopy a few years ago with no meds. The doctor kept on offering and I kept on refusing. I said to him and the nurses that I had already passed the worst pain in my life so this would be peanuts as compared to the pain Kelly-Anne had suffered.
Jules and I both faced job losses and we both continued to forge forward. Yes I did find my dream job and Jules continues with much gusto even with doors closing in front of him. He is so resilient.
I know this week will be a life changing week for our family especially for Kim and her boyfriend. A new life filled with adventures, joys, tears....motherhood and fatherhood.
As we approach Passover and Easter, I find it fitting that new life in our family happens this week. Irony.........or maybe Kelly-Anne again is using her angel powers.
Blessings to all of you !
Monday, March 25, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The Page Project
The pages of our life tell the story of how we would like to be remembered. After much soul searching, I finally came up with an idea of what I could do for my new granddaughter. I wanted her to have something that would last forever, something that she could use and bring to life which would fill her with fond memories and allow her to continue our legacy even after I leave this world.
Because I have a love of cooking, I decided to create a scrapbook of recipes old and new. Recipes that go back to when Kelly-Anne and Kim were little girls. I have divided the book into many sections and have joyfully created interesting projects with colorful pictures such as a little girl's tea party that she could do at some point. There is a section on our Lebanese heritage including Kim's favorite Lebanese dish...kibbe balls ! There is also a roast beef recipe that Kell loved. She could cook up a storm. Kim, since being away has become very creative in her cooking style. She has sent me many pictures of her beautiful platters, especially her appetizers.
Cooking with children has to one of the most fun things to do. I know that Kim will take the time with her daughter to teach her the many techniques that she has. Creating this book has brought my emotions to the surface. Looking back at some of my hand written recipes which are included in the the book, remind me of the style of cooking and fun recipes that the girls looked forward to. One thing for sure, I never had a problem getting the girls to try something different....they may of not particularly enjoyed the meal, but at least they gave it a shot. I hope my granddaughter grows up with an apprecitation and a curiosity for food.
The book is not yet completed. I don't think baby will be needed it any time soon.......the Page Project is a work in progress with an abundance of love poured into it.
Because I have a love of cooking, I decided to create a scrapbook of recipes old and new. Recipes that go back to when Kelly-Anne and Kim were little girls. I have divided the book into many sections and have joyfully created interesting projects with colorful pictures such as a little girl's tea party that she could do at some point. There is a section on our Lebanese heritage including Kim's favorite Lebanese dish...kibbe balls ! There is also a roast beef recipe that Kell loved. She could cook up a storm. Kim, since being away has become very creative in her cooking style. She has sent me many pictures of her beautiful platters, especially her appetizers.
Cooking with children has to one of the most fun things to do. I know that Kim will take the time with her daughter to teach her the many techniques that she has. Creating this book has brought my emotions to the surface. Looking back at some of my hand written recipes which are included in the the book, remind me of the style of cooking and fun recipes that the girls looked forward to. One thing for sure, I never had a problem getting the girls to try something different....they may of not particularly enjoyed the meal, but at least they gave it a shot. I hope my granddaughter grows up with an apprecitation and a curiosity for food.
The book is not yet completed. I don't think baby will be needed it any time soon.......the Page Project is a work in progress with an abundance of love poured into it.
Friday, February 1, 2013
February Already !
I have just been reminded that we are already at February 1st....what happened to January, I asked myself early this morning. Time seems to be going at a speed that is faster that I can keep up with. It has been busy at work with the challenges of renovating the office and dealing with contractors and sub contractors which is a totally new phenomena for me. I have learnt that there is lot of politics involved....mostly he said, she said stuff....all nonsense. At the end of the day, I just want a
nice welcoming and functional office for the many clients who visit us.
January also brought me day dreaming especially during a couple of nasty cold weeks about my flip flops who are warmly stored in my bedroom closet. I have said to many, I really am a summer person. January brought also many challenges for my hubby. He is actively looking for a job. CV's are sent out every day and few even get acknowledged. I keep telling him the right job will be yours at the right time and that Kelly-Anne will help you. Jules had been bored and even attempted to cook a meal or two..... the effort was there and I graciously ate the meals...Enough said on that....
Somethings that I hoped would change for 2013 like homicides, however have not. Another women has been murdered in Montreal last night. Apparently she was stabbed. Earlier in January we learnt that a 12 year old boy killed his 16 year old brother with a gun. Why I ask did this child have access to a gun....everyone has a different take on who really is responsible for the murder.
Looking forward to the rest of this month reminds that this is the month of love....well every month should be the month of love for that matter. But for myself and my hubby, we will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. We also look forward in anticipation of Jules becoming employed...we are being positive that he will find the right job. Next week I will take a few days off and pretend it is summer.....meaning if you are looking for me, you can find me swimming in a local pool. It is time for me to unwind and reflect. The water has an amazing effect on me.
Jules and I have both been havng crazy dreams....but I did have one beautiful dream. I dreamt I was holding my new granddaughter. She was wearing a blue and white stripped knitted hat in the dream....so I am wondering if Kim will have a little surprise of her own when the baby is born. Let's wait and see!
Wishing all of you a happy February. Do whatever you choose to make the month an exciting time.
nice welcoming and functional office for the many clients who visit us.
January also brought me day dreaming especially during a couple of nasty cold weeks about my flip flops who are warmly stored in my bedroom closet. I have said to many, I really am a summer person. January brought also many challenges for my hubby. He is actively looking for a job. CV's are sent out every day and few even get acknowledged. I keep telling him the right job will be yours at the right time and that Kelly-Anne will help you. Jules had been bored and even attempted to cook a meal or two..... the effort was there and I graciously ate the meals...Enough said on that....
Somethings that I hoped would change for 2013 like homicides, however have not. Another women has been murdered in Montreal last night. Apparently she was stabbed. Earlier in January we learnt that a 12 year old boy killed his 16 year old brother with a gun. Why I ask did this child have access to a gun....everyone has a different take on who really is responsible for the murder.
Looking forward to the rest of this month reminds that this is the month of love....well every month should be the month of love for that matter. But for myself and my hubby, we will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. We also look forward in anticipation of Jules becoming employed...we are being positive that he will find the right job. Next week I will take a few days off and pretend it is summer.....meaning if you are looking for me, you can find me swimming in a local pool. It is time for me to unwind and reflect. The water has an amazing effect on me.
Jules and I have both been havng crazy dreams....but I did have one beautiful dream. I dreamt I was holding my new granddaughter. She was wearing a blue and white stripped knitted hat in the dream....so I am wondering if Kim will have a little surprise of her own when the baby is born. Let's wait and see!
Wishing all of you a happy February. Do whatever you choose to make the month an exciting time.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Christmas
The short breads are finally baked and sitting untouched in a tin. The meat pies will be created tomorrow. Jules and decided that this year we could keep the festivities on the quiet side and just enjoy the time together. Somehow, plans have a way of changing and we have ended up accepting invitations from friends to join in their festivities. And that is okay...I'll just share some of my goodies with them. We can't show up empty handed.
Jules though it fitting to play some Christmas music this morning while I baked. The song I'll be Home for Christmas just seemed to hit a nerve and I found myself thinking about Kelly-Anne again not being here with us. My thoughts also led me to the many who have lost their life recently to homicide in particular the three darling children who's mother has been accused of killing them in Drummondville. I have such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that a mother took the lives of her own beloved children. My thoughts are also with the children of Guy Turcotte who he killed. He is a free man this Christmas and I just can't get over that fact. All this to say that our Canadian justice system needs alot of revamping.
Christmas is the time for family. It is not about what is wrapped under the tree, but more about why we celebrate Christmas. We are looking forward to going to church on Christmas Eve and rejoicing in the birth of The Saviour.
Our family is looking forward to the birth of our grandchild. Next Christmas will be different as the baby will consume our holiday season with love and joy.
Whatever your beliefs are, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and all the best for a Happy, Healthy and Loving New Year. Peace, joy, acceptance and understand of others is something our society needs to work on. My hope for the year to come is that we can all respect one another and the value of each other's life.
Jules though it fitting to play some Christmas music this morning while I baked. The song I'll be Home for Christmas just seemed to hit a nerve and I found myself thinking about Kelly-Anne again not being here with us. My thoughts also led me to the many who have lost their life recently to homicide in particular the three darling children who's mother has been accused of killing them in Drummondville. I have such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that a mother took the lives of her own beloved children. My thoughts are also with the children of Guy Turcotte who he killed. He is a free man this Christmas and I just can't get over that fact. All this to say that our Canadian justice system needs alot of revamping.
Christmas is the time for family. It is not about what is wrapped under the tree, but more about why we celebrate Christmas. We are looking forward to going to church on Christmas Eve and rejoicing in the birth of The Saviour.
Our family is looking forward to the birth of our grandchild. Next Christmas will be different as the baby will consume our holiday season with love and joy.
Whatever your beliefs are, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and all the best for a Happy, Healthy and Loving New Year. Peace, joy, acceptance and understand of others is something our society needs to work on. My hope for the year to come is that we can all respect one another and the value of each other's life.
Monday, December 10, 2012
My New Chapter
What should I call it...Grand motherhood perhaps ? Someone pointed out to me that I am already a Grandmother. Hum....after thinking about that statement for one silent minute, I spoke up and said yes, I am already a grandmother! A tiny living being with a heart that beats lives in Kim's belly.
I should know better, as I look at babies every day who are being carried by excited moms. Babies that suck their fingers and play with their toes while nestled in the womb. They are living little people waiting for nature to tell them that it is their time to face the world.
I wait in anticipation to hold that new baby in my arms. I fear my emotions as our family welcomes a new member. I fear how heartbroken I will be that Kelly-Anne will not be here on the physical earth to share the joy. I know that I have to be brave.
I saw the joy and beauty in Kim's face last week. She is going to be the best mother ever. That baby will be so loved. The baby's father is the man of my dreams of what I always wanted for my daughter. I could not be happier to have him as part of our family. I have been truly blessed.
Now, me...what kind of grandmother will I be. Some tell me it is a completely different situation than having one of your own. Others tell me that I will not be able to keep myself away from the child. It is going to be tough as the baby will be living out west. Will I visit twice a year, will Kim visit....I can only take it one day at a time. There are too many thoughts and questions passing through my brain these days and I know I cannot let what I cannot control affect me.
I know that Kelly-Anne is totally elated for Kim. I know that she is helping Kim and is the baby's angel. How will the baby get to know about Aunty Kelly-Anne? What will Kim tell the baby? I know we still have few years before that conversation happens. Kim will find the right words when it is the right time.
A new chapter in out lives approaches. I can only be thankful for this blessing bestowed upon our family. No matter the distance between us, there will always be love and support.
So my dear grandchild, rest well for a few more months in your mommy's tummy. Give her a few kicks now and then to remind her that you are a tough little cookie. We will welcome you with open arms and many hugs and kisses. You are already so loved. xxxx
I should know better, as I look at babies every day who are being carried by excited moms. Babies that suck their fingers and play with their toes while nestled in the womb. They are living little people waiting for nature to tell them that it is their time to face the world.
I wait in anticipation to hold that new baby in my arms. I fear my emotions as our family welcomes a new member. I fear how heartbroken I will be that Kelly-Anne will not be here on the physical earth to share the joy. I know that I have to be brave.
I saw the joy and beauty in Kim's face last week. She is going to be the best mother ever. That baby will be so loved. The baby's father is the man of my dreams of what I always wanted for my daughter. I could not be happier to have him as part of our family. I have been truly blessed.
Now, me...what kind of grandmother will I be. Some tell me it is a completely different situation than having one of your own. Others tell me that I will not be able to keep myself away from the child. It is going to be tough as the baby will be living out west. Will I visit twice a year, will Kim visit....I can only take it one day at a time. There are too many thoughts and questions passing through my brain these days and I know I cannot let what I cannot control affect me.
I know that Kelly-Anne is totally elated for Kim. I know that she is helping Kim and is the baby's angel. How will the baby get to know about Aunty Kelly-Anne? What will Kim tell the baby? I know we still have few years before that conversation happens. Kim will find the right words when it is the right time.
A new chapter in out lives approaches. I can only be thankful for this blessing bestowed upon our family. No matter the distance between us, there will always be love and support.
So my dear grandchild, rest well for a few more months in your mommy's tummy. Give her a few kicks now and then to remind her that you are a tough little cookie. We will welcome you with open arms and many hugs and kisses. You are already so loved. xxxx
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
A Letter to my Daughter
Dear Kelly-Anne,
Would it be appropriate to wish you a happy 33rd Birthday today? I know you are smiling down from Heaven and at peace.I know you are happy for your friends and family that remember you on a daily basis. I know you are working hard from above to help us. You have helped all your friends and family and those you never met like Mario.
You were here yesterday in our house. I thought of you and realized that what had just happened was something you put in place. It was a good thing that happened and I thank you for that. It was your way of telling me that you cared and wanted to find a way to help me find a solution to my problem.
Today I was speaking to a group of students studying to be Early Childhood Educators. You helped me wing it as I felt your presence with me in that classroom. I spoke about you and your sister and about the work you both did with children. I also spoke about my business and about taking care of oneself during pregnancy. My goodness, my life has changed...who would of thought.......I would be where I am today. And you were there always, these past 8 years, through thick and thin, always by my side.
I thank you for the baby that will be apart of our family. I know you are beaming with pride. Saturday evening, I will see your friends from life guarding. Hugs and kisses will flow and I will try to put on my brave face. I promise. Their news, their little additions to their families for which I am very happy for them, still leaves me with a wound straight through my heart. They have all the things that you should of had an opportunity to have.
Remember Kell, you are never forgotten. This week has been an emotionally charged one leading up to today. You have to realize that I did shed some tears this morning, but you helped me be strong throughout the day. Thank you for that.
The Christmas tree is up. The balls which you so perfectly made are hanging on the tree and Jules and I reminisced about Christmases past with you.
I await your next message or a dream with you in it.
Sending all my love to you,
Mom xxxxx
Would it be appropriate to wish you a happy 33rd Birthday today? I know you are smiling down from Heaven and at peace.I know you are happy for your friends and family that remember you on a daily basis. I know you are working hard from above to help us. You have helped all your friends and family and those you never met like Mario.
You were here yesterday in our house. I thought of you and realized that what had just happened was something you put in place. It was a good thing that happened and I thank you for that. It was your way of telling me that you cared and wanted to find a way to help me find a solution to my problem.
Today I was speaking to a group of students studying to be Early Childhood Educators. You helped me wing it as I felt your presence with me in that classroom. I spoke about you and your sister and about the work you both did with children. I also spoke about my business and about taking care of oneself during pregnancy. My goodness, my life has changed...who would of thought.......I would be where I am today. And you were there always, these past 8 years, through thick and thin, always by my side.
I thank you for the baby that will be apart of our family. I know you are beaming with pride. Saturday evening, I will see your friends from life guarding. Hugs and kisses will flow and I will try to put on my brave face. I promise. Their news, their little additions to their families for which I am very happy for them, still leaves me with a wound straight through my heart. They have all the things that you should of had an opportunity to have.
Remember Kell, you are never forgotten. This week has been an emotionally charged one leading up to today. You have to realize that I did shed some tears this morning, but you helped me be strong throughout the day. Thank you for that.
The Christmas tree is up. The balls which you so perfectly made are hanging on the tree and Jules and I reminisced about Christmases past with you.
I await your next message or a dream with you in it.
Sending all my love to you,
Mom xxxxx
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Find Your Courage
Through fate, I was very fortunate to meet a writer/producer who had worked on a film called Dreams and Mirrors which un known to her at the time, Kelly-Anne had also worked on this very same film.The short end of the story is that we met and instantly seemed to have a connection. She had a goal in mind to produce a film and I wanted very much to have someone help me tell Kelly-Anne's story. With the wonderful collaboration of a film maker from Toronto, we spent a day together in late August 2011 and filmed Find Your Courage. What a day it was with emotions coupled with memories and many what if's for myself.
After one year of filming the film is now completed and ready for distributing. It is a 7 minute film geared to reach the community being families, parents and women going through what Kelly-Anne lived. I have reviewed the final product several times and I know that my words will touch someone. If one life is saved, then I know that all our work was not in vain.
A short segment of the film will be aired on CTV Montreal News on October 26th along side a piece on teen violence which I also had the privilege to participate in. CTV Montreal has been from day one very supportive of our family. They were there at the court house reporting daily on the trial. They have supported the work I have done with families of those murdered, issues related to government policy, domestic violence issues and reporting on events in the community where Kelly-Anne is remembered through Power of One and other newscasts. I am not a television star and far from it, but I am humbled with appreciation that CTV has helped me to be my daughter's voice.
Once the story has been aired, I will post a link for those who would like to view on line. I do hope that at some point the entire footage of the Find Your Courage will be on line.
I truly believe that Kelly-Anne brought me and Ingrid together through Dreams and Mirrors. Little did Kelly-Anne know in 2003 while helping out on the film that years later what impact her life and legacy would make on so many others.
Stay tune to CTV Montreal on October 26th. If you know families or other women or teens who are struggling because of abusive situations, I ask again to reach out and maybe even get them to watch the piece. It is not just about me and my daughter making a difference, you can too in your community help someone in need. Break the silence on abuse.
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